3 February, 2023

Mr. Bankrupt gets 200th consecutive daily COVID test after waking up with a sore throat again

DAN SCHMIDT

The once successful ever-failing businessman Mr. Bankrupt has once again gone to a COVID-19 testing site after waking up with a known symptom of coronavirus.

‘EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP WITH A SORE THROOOAAATT’ screamed Bankrupt ‘I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE IT COULD BEEEEEEEE!’

With this ongoing symptom, Bankrupt has been tested every day since mid-May.

‘BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRYYYY’ he blared once again ‘ESPECIALLY SINCE I ALSO EXPERIENCE SHORTNESS OF BREAAAAAAAAAAAATTTHHHH!’

Whilst Bankrupt does meet multiple symptoms, as the interview went on it became very clear that he was just getting ongoing tests to supplement his income with government benefits.

‘DID YOU KNOW IF YOU CAN’T GET AN INCOME BECAUSE YOU’RE WAITING ON TEST RESULTS THE GOVERNMENT WILL PAY YOU THREE HUNDRED DOLLAAAAAARRRRRRS!’

But after once again returning a negative test, doctors and medical researchers remain baffled by Bankrupt’s ongoing symptoms.

‘A very irritated throat, shortness of breath,’ listed Dr. Solvent ‘and judging by what he sold in his store, there is a clearly a loss of taste also’.

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