28 March, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

All South Australian citizens are legally entitled to a portrait of Johnny Haysman

TRENT BARTLETT

Johnny Haysman is arguably the most loved person in South Australia, if not the world. It’s said that he owns over 400 pairs of shorts each more dazzling and revealing than the last.

He’s also the only person in South Australia who doesn’t need a driver’s license to drive, instead dancing in response to any license check, confounding police officers with his trademark mystifying dance moves.

And, if you’re a South Australian citizen, you’re legally entitled to your very own portrait of him.

The provision of the Johnny portrait program is provided for in a little-known and antiquated piece of legislation called the “Haysman Portraiture Act (1927)”, although those in the know simply call it “the Johnny law”.

The legislation outlines that ‘upon requesting its provision, South Australians should be furnished with a 210x297mm painting or photograph of HRH John Haysman’.

Although the existence of such a law is a curious anomaly today, at the time of its writing, citizens did not have the option to conduct a Google Image search of the legendary South Australian.

Back then, keen Johnny enthusiasts were forced to contend with far more rudimentary search engines like AltaVista and Dogpile. Even more curious is the reference to the metric system of measurement, a pipe dream in 1927.

Even more prophetic is the reference to Haysman himself, who would not be born until several decades later. Although they wrote laws for all kinds of crazy things back then.

in News
Related Posts

Magic Cave now just a ‘Magic 3 x 4 metre room’

19 November, 2018

19 November, 2018

Budget cuts and declining sponsors have hit the Magic Cave hard this year, with Santa and his entire grotto allocated...

Next election, let’s just all vote for Cosi and see what happens

24 May, 2019

24 May, 2019

With the Federal Election over and not a great deal changing, aside from increased health-care costs for the poor, many...

Karen no longer knows how to threaten local businesses without Today Tonight

27 November, 2019

27 November, 2019

LET ME SPEAK TO THE MANAGER!: This morning as Clarence Gardens facebook-mum of two Karen Decrows, 43, set off for...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Victor Harbor horse-drawn tram still more frequent and reliable than 90% of Adelaide Metro buses

4 February, 2020

4 February, 2020

This year’s winners of the public transport performance awards for SA have been released, and it’s good news for patrons...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

Courteous paperboy throws Messenger right next to recycle bin

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

Loading up the milkcrate strapped to the front of his BMX each Wednesday after school, Jackson DeGoris prepares for his...

SA Dentists host annual Farmers Union Iced Coffee appreciation night

9 December, 2019

9 December, 2019

South Australia’s dentists gathered for their industry’s night of nights on Saturday night, with their annual Farmers Union Thanksgiving Dinner....

Truckie was just holding out for cheaper fuel price

31 October, 2019

31 October, 2019

A truck driver that caused massive delays on the downtrack of the SE Freeway remains convinced that he made the...

OTR already putting up signage on North East Road Holden dealership

26 February, 2020

26 February, 2020

With the news of Holden exiting the Australian market breaking, our petroleum and tobacco overlords have decided that they may...

We rank Adelaide’s top (and only) 3 working digital Adelaide Metro signs

18 November, 2019

18 November, 2019

What was meant to be Adelaide Mail’s first barely readable, every item on a different page, advertisement clogged ‘Top 10 List’, has...

Remaining KI koalas go missing as news of PM’s visit spreads

8 January, 2020

8 January, 2020

As news of the Prime Minister’s visit to Kangaroo Island spreads amongst what remains of Kangaroo Island’s koala community, the...

Gawler line revealed to have nation’s lowest headphones-to-phone ratio

8 October, 2019

8 October, 2019

A new study has revealed that Adelaide’s northernmost train line leads the country in instances of mobile phones playing loud,...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: