15 April, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

“Should have seen it coming” – Mr Bankrupt on his business’s bankruptcy

The saying goes that hindsight is twenty-twenty, and that rings true for nobody more than former Adelaide business tycoon Mr Bankrupt.

Although Bankrupt — now a 54-year-old financial advisor — can look back at his company’s failings with a new perspective, he still does not blame his own business practices for the demise of the Port Road business.

They gifted me a surname that meant I would never be taken seriously in the business world

Adelaide Mail sat down with Mr Bankrupt for a coffee at his favourite quiet Thebarton cafe to talk about his past and what’s next.

‘I blame my parents really’, Bankrupt shouts, sending this journalist jumping out of his seat in shock at the tycoon’s sheer volume.

‘They gifted me a surname that meant I would never be taken seriously in the business world’.

People are looking, one waiter has come to check if everything is okay at our table. I assure him that it’s fine and we are conducting an interview.

‘The business model was good. We would overstock on things like handbags and futons, tell people to make us an offer and flash phrases like “GONE” and “NEXT TO ROCCA’S” on the screen’, somehow Bankrupt’s volume has shifted up a gear.

The manager has come over to our table, she wants to know what all the shouting is about. We are asked to leave, Mr Bankrupt is up on the table shouting ‘CLOSING DOWN, CLOSING DOWN’ and throwing granola at other patrons.

There are sirens in the distance. I attempt to lure Bankrupt out of the cafe with some bonus 30 second TV spots during reruns of Seinfeld on 7Flix. I am unsuccessful.

Police arrive with a team of trusted contemporaries brought in to talk some sense into Bankrupt. The Designer Direct lady rolls her eyes at ‘another one of Bankrupt’s little episodes’, while the Cunningham’s Warehouse man attempts a complex combination of finger signals to communicate with the enraged former businessman.

Related Posts

New Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee merchandise instantly sells out of 5XL sizing

27 June, 2019

27 June, 2019

With Farmer’s Union Iced Coffee desperately trying to target the insta-millennial market with their new line of merchandise, the new...

Even at Cudlee Creek “Free Hugs” guy still seems very creepy

16 January, 2020

16 January, 2020

CUDDLY CREEP: At a time where most South Australians are selflessly coming together to support those affected by bushfires, one...

Hindley Street to become 100% shisha bars by 2020, study reveals

17 January, 2019

17 January, 2019

New research into economic trends in Adelaide’s west end reveals that the city’s most famous nightstrip is heading towards wall-to-wall...

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

5 February, 2019

5 February, 2019

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has...

Dads all over Adelaide angry that you fiddled with the air conditioner temperature

19 December, 2019

19 December, 2019

Sure, it’s been hot in Adelaide these past few days. But that doesn’t mean you have to be fiddling around...

City dads mourn the closure of their sole fashion source

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

Dads from around Adelaide have gathered to pay silent tribute to their sole source of clothing and style advice following...

Guy who hasn’t been to the Casino in 15 years can’t wait to play that horse racing game again

20 January, 2020

20 January, 2020

It’s been nearly fifteen years since Whyalla man Mitch Brokeslad has ventured on down to Adelaide, but an invitation to...

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Griffins Hotel to start opening up for THREE hours a month to keep up with massive demand spike

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT It’s the hub of Adelaide nightlife around the north-eastern side of Hindmarsh Square. The Griffins Hotel is the...

South Australia officially changing State slogan to “So what High School did you go to?”

17 September, 2018

17 September, 2018

Since discontinuing “The Festival State”, the South Australian Slogan Association (SASA) has decided on a new official state slogan after...

Plans for Adelaide Hills Theme Park ‘Magic Mount Lofty’ announced

22 March, 2019

22 March, 2019

The Adelaide Hills Council have announced development plans for a ‘new’ theme park at the state’s most popular hiking destination...

Next election, let’s just all vote for Cosi and see what happens

24 May, 2019

24 May, 2019

With the Federal Election over and not a great deal changing, aside from increased health-care costs for the poor, many...

These 6 gifs of Keith Martyn are such 2020 mood vibes

29 October, 2020

29 October, 2020

In a genius effort to gain readership from both the gen z and boomer markets, we here at Adelaide Mail...

We’re not convinced Kingswood is a real suburb either

10 July, 2018

10 July, 2018

While we’d be the first to admit that we’ve not looked into this too closely, we’re just not ready to...

Adelaide in midst of annual coloured chalk shortage

7 November, 2018

7 November, 2018

‘Tis the season for Christmas pageants throughout the state, and with that comes the yearly coloured chalk supply shortage. Parents...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: