2 October, 2022

“Never doubted ‘em” says Crows fan who chopped up membership after his seats were moved for 2021

TRENT BARTLETT

Former Adelaide Football Club member Jesper Cantankeron maintains that his faith in his footy club never wavered, despite a well-documented, Xenophon-esque membership cancellation stunt less than a week ago.

With COVID-19 restrictions rendering Cantankeron’s previous Adelaide Oval seats — which he has held proudly since all the way back in 2018 – untenable, the Crows fan gathered multiple South Australian news outlets to West Lakes for a highly-publicised protest with an argument less clear than a person who just received an expensive power bill calling Leon Byner.

With the only journalists stupid enough to accept Cantankeron’s Facebook invite for his “Let’s show the Crows what we realy think…PR opportunity .. Kane Cornes not welcome” event six people from the Adelaide Mail editorial team, the Crows fan made a wandering protest against his footy club that covered more conspiracies than a Pete Evans Instagram story.

If anyone’s has the Bill Gates microchip, it’s Fagan, he’s the first who needs to go. And why can’t I park at Adelaide Oval? When the footy was down here at Footy Park I would have a barbie with the missus, Rozza and the boys every other week..

‘Thank you for coming, I was almost going to cancel, but thankfully the rain held off and an outdoor event could still go ahead,’ Cantankeron yelled at the gathered throng of journos. ‘As I’m sure you all appreciate, I refuse to stand outside for long stints of inclement weather.’

‘Anyway. I’m here to tell you that I will no longer stand for the fiasco that the Adelaide Footy Club has become. Enough is enough! It’s one thing for the club to put in the kind of gutless efforts that they showed over the 2020 season, it’s another for them to move my seat slightly further away from the ground because of some hoax.’

‘If anyone’s has the Bill Gates microchip, it’s Fagan, he’s the first who needs to go. And why can’t I park at Adelaide Oval? When the footy was down here at Footy Park I would have a barbie with the missus, Rozza and the boys every other week..’

Cantankeron then wandered off about three-quarters of the way through his address to the media, telling one photographer that he ‘likes to beat the traffic’.

One week later, with no access to Adelaide Football Club players due to the consistent berating of draft and trade choices, Adelaide Mail had no choice to look to Cantankeron for a reaction quote for its coverage of the Crows’ first win of the season.

‘Never doubted ‘em’, he told us from his Norwood home, unable to secure a last-minute ticket to today’s game at the beginning of the third quarter when the result started to look inevitable.

‘My protest last week was all about the unfair and unjust moving of loyal Adelaide footy club members’ seats from right beneath them. It was never about me not believing in the team’s ability.’

Cantankeron tipped Geelong to win by 86 points in his work’s footy tipping competition.

*Due to poor communication and the fact that several Adelaide Mail journos are no longer on speaking terms after disagreements over whether to turn Adelaide Mail into an all-O-Bahn photo blog,

in News, Sport
Related Posts

Bloke’s tailbone still recovering after tobogganing over the jumps at Mt Thebarton

4 December, 2018

4 December, 2018

When a 14-year-old Alex Dangerfield visited Mt Thebarton in 1995 to experience tobogganing for the first time, he did not...

Another bloody comedian writes “I thought this was supposed to be satire” on Adelaide Mail post

17 September, 2020

17 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT He’s done it again! Everyone loves it when Rob chimes in on a conversation with one of his...

Bloke ordering a Halal Snack Pack at Adelaide yiros shop might as well be speaking another language

31 January, 2020

31 January, 2020

A tourist visiting from Sydney’s Newtown has confounded the owner of a North Adelaide yiros shop by attempting to order...

COMPROMISE FOUND: SA Govt to install new tram that ONLY turns right

20 November, 2018

20 November, 2018

After months of deliberation, studies and costings, Transport Minister Stephan Knoll announced on Sunday that the right-hand turn for trams...

Old Tailem Town offers an accurate portrayal of life in South Australian country towns (in 2020)

14 September, 2020

14 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT South Australia’s favourite family attraction within an 80-minute drive, south-east of the city is (since Puzzle Park closed)...

Adelaide Metro app update to feature better arrival time accuracy of non-existent buses

12 November, 2018

12 November, 2018

In the largest app update since the ‘randomly crashing’ feature Adelaide Metro has announced the newest app feature for commuters....

2003 Seaford High graduate wears Year 12 jumper to commemorate the year he peaked

8 June, 2018

8 June, 2018

As he once again donned the faded maroon sweatshirt for a trip to the shops, Ryan Govern, 33, reminisced about...

REVEALED: Pelicans actually prefer to shop at TTP

13 November, 2019

13 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

“Reality’s hitting home” – Now my shortcut through David Jones to the car park is gone!

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

Everything had been fine up until this point. You know, it’s bad and all that, I’m not trivialising the seriousness...

Boomer at work despite flu to ensure he can insult vegan fest attendee

28 October, 2019

28 October, 2019

While Adelaide’s vegans may be recovering from a weekend spent at Rundle Park’s Vegan Festival, one local boomer has dashed...

Premier Pete gets right onto fixing the ramping issues

22 March, 2022

22 March, 2022

South Australia’s new Premier has wasted absolutely no time acting upon his promise of fixing the ramping issues. However, it...

REVEALED: Seven Stars Hotel actually only has 4.3 star Google rating

7 November, 2019

7 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today...

Elizabeth to be renamed Earlizabeth in honour of new King

16 September, 2022

16 September, 2022

BREAKING NEWS: Queen Elizabeth has died. As a result of this shocking and sudden death of a woman who lived...

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

13 November, 2018

13 November, 2018

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: