28 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Midnight Pharmacy seriously gives no fucks anymore

What was once an innovative practice for the early 2000’s, in an age where South Australian pharmacies were banned from trading past 3pm or during any half-moon phase under the The George Birks Act of 1856, it has become clear that Midnight Pharmacy has rapidly declined in recent years.

In a desperate, and somewhat confusing, effort to boost business, Midnight Pharmacy has decided that a mix of clinical medication and the concept of a Cunningham’s Warehouse is the way forward.

Who knows, maybe there’s someone out there who needs some overpriced expired toothpaste, some dead plants and a circa 2004 car stereo system at 11pm on a Wednesday

Vice-Director of Marketing for the business, Penny Sillon, explained the pharmacy’s strategy ‘first off, we don’t care, it’s the methadone clinic that really keeps us afloat, so why not have some fun with the place, hey?’

‘But who knows, maybe there’s someone out there who needs some overpriced expired toothpaste, some dead plants and a circa 2004 car stereo system at 11pm on a Wednesday, and where else are they going to be able to get all of that under one leaking roof?’

Penny continued, ‘plus, they can grab a hotdog with the lot while they wait for our extremely unhelpful staff to ring them up. Our store signs out the front may be burnt, but our hot-dogs aren’t. If anything, they’re extremely undercooked, but not to worry, you can grab a 12 pack of generic Imodium to go with it for only $42.’

in News
Related Posts

Mall’s Balls beginning to sag with age

6 August, 2018

6 August, 2018

Since 1977 they have proudly been on display for all to see, but it appears time is catching up the...

Cyberbullying teens never okay…unless it’s Caleb Bond and it’s really funny

18 March, 2019

18 March, 2019

Cyberbullying is a cowardly act, which can be particularly harmful when aimed at teens. However, in the wake of anti-bullying...

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

Elon Musk regrets not getting a second slab of West End from The Commercial Hotel in Jamestown

28 June, 2018

28 June, 2018

Global entrepreneur and deadset legend, Elon Musk, is still reminiscing about installing the world’s largest battery in South Australia’s far...

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

9 October, 2019

9 October, 2019

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than...

Phone lines jammed as 24 million Australians all ring Victor Harbor to check on Nan

17 March, 2020

17 March, 2020

TOM STEWART In what has become a serious test of the nation’s telecommunications infrastructure, 24 million phone calls were placed...

PM Scott Morrison takes credit for stopping the Buffalo

14 October, 2018

14 October, 2018

Prime Minister Scott Morrison has taken credit for stopping the land-bound, abandoned restaurant the HMS Buffalo while on a whistle-stop...

Lost child at WOMADelaide probably better off to be honest

6 March, 2020

6 March, 2020

On the opening day of South Australia’s leading world-music and body-odour festival, a six year old child has been found...

Outrage as advertising projected on to Adelaide’s most famous cultural landmark

9 October, 2018

9 October, 2018

The iconic brick façade of Adelaide’s West End Brewery will be used to advertise a party supplies shop after SA premier Stephen...

Rip It Up relaunches with Pokies reviews and noise complaint liftout

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Heritage Adelaide street press Rip It Up magazine is set for a relaunch with a new focus on reflecting the...

UniSA law student happy to let you keep thinking he goes to Adelaide

23 May, 2019

23 May, 2019

Despite typically jumping to the defence of UniSA’s law degree, Esteban Cornbox is not in any hurry to correct you...

First stage of Tour Down Under won by lost Uber Eats rider

21 January, 2020

21 January, 2020

Today the Barossa hosted the first men’s stage of the Tour Down Under, a gruelling 150 kilometre slog even for...

Victorian music journo asking for directions to “The Barton” theatre

29 January, 2019

29 January, 2019

Visiting Victorian music journalist Gulag Torquehand has lost her patience with seemingly unhelpful South Australians after asking dozens of Adelaideans...

We’re not convinced Kingswood is a real suburb either

10 July, 2018

10 July, 2018

While we’d be the first to admit that we’ve not looked into this too closely, we’re just not ready to...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: