26 January, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Midnight Pharmacy seriously gives no fucks anymore

Dan Schmidt

What was once an innovative practice for the early 2000’s, in an age where South Australian pharmacies were banned from trading past 3pm or during any half-moon phase under the The George Birks Act of 1856, it has become clear that Midnight Pharmacy has rapidly declined in recent years.

In a desperate, and somewhat confusing, effort to boost business, Midnight Pharmacy has decided that a mix of clinical medication and the concept of a Cunningham’s Warehouse is the way forward.

Who knows, maybe there’s someone out there who needs some overpriced expired toothpaste, some dead plants and a circa 2004 car stereo system at 11pm on a Wednesday

Vice-Director of Marketing for the business, Penny Sillon, explained the pharmacy’s strategy ‘first off, we don’t care, it’s the methadone clinic that really keeps us afloat, so why not have some fun with the place, hey?’

‘But who knows, maybe there’s someone out there who needs some overpriced expired toothpaste, some dead plants and a circa 2004 car stereo system at 11pm on a Wednesday, and where else are they going to be able to get all of that under one leaking roof?’

Penny continued, ‘plus, they can grab a hotdog with the lot while they wait for our extremely unhelpful staff to ring them up. Our store signs out the front may be burnt, but our hot-dogs aren’t. If anything, they’re extremely undercooked, but not to worry, you can grab a 12 pack of generic Imodium to go with it for only $42.’

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