30 November, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

“Emo Park” rebrands as “Ska Park” in attempt to brighten reputation

The north-western pocket of Hindmarsh square has always been a strange place. Along with being home to what was awarded World’s Most Depressing Kid’s Playground 2008, it was also a popular meeting place for teenage emo kids in the early 2000’s.

Since gaining this somewhat deserved dark and dreary reputation, the colloquial name “Emo Park” has continued to stick, even long after the emo scene subculture and My Chemical Romance disbanded.

However, aligning with Adelaide City Council’s ‘re-activate, re-invigorate, and re-stigmatise’ action plan for the many depressing city parklands, a bold attempt to rebrand the park as “Ska Park” is currently in process.

Emo is dull, we wanted something everyone can enjoy, something upbeat, something, dare I say…Special. That’s why we’ve decided to make it “Ska Park”

Initially, community focus groups were all in favour for the change, as they thought the council said “car park”. However, once concept plans were revealed, residents were somewhat disappointed and generally confused.

Head of Adelaide Council parkland genre-reclassification Rudie Bois stated ‘Emo is dull, we wanted something everyone can enjoy, something upbeat, something, dare I say…Special. That’s why we’ve decided to make it “Ska Park”’.

The initial plans for Ska Park include painting all benches in a black and white checkerboard pattern, walkways to include a Skanking lane on the left, and employing the dozen or so local teenagers who still listen to ska to hang out at the park on a casual shift basis. It’s also rumored that local ska band “Daughter of Mum” are set to reform and play at the grand re-opening.

Some locals have deemed these plans as “Madness”, but Bois from Council remains hopeful ‘sure, some people will clash over the proposed changes, but once residents see it, I have No Doubt that Ska Park will become extremely popular for a very brief period’ stated Rudie.

‘This will be a whole new “wave” for the park, we’ll be installing new streetlights, our horticultural team will undertake an operation to plant new ivy, it will truly be a sublime place. Aside from that most of the park will stay the same, and obviously we’ll be keeping the Fishbone monument. I mean, it wouldn’t be a Ska Park without a real big fish’.

Adelaide Mail sent a message to Rudie late yesterday evening regarding an update on the project, to which he replied “Final proposal plans for Ska Park have just been submitted to my manager Tony. He’s a mighty boss, Tones. So knock on wood he will pick it up”.

Related Posts

SA Liberal Party discovers crafty new way to make up for drop in GST revenue

7 October, 2020

7 October, 2020

Those paying attention to state treasurer Rob Lucas this week would have seen that he was largely unperturbed by the...

Seeing a gap in the market, all OTRs start serving pancakes 24/7

17 June, 2019

17 June, 2019

With the Pancake Kitchen no longer operating 24 hours a day during the week, the OTR overlords have announced the...

Tea Tree Plaza puts out Halloween decorations

25 October, 2021

25 October, 2021

Getting into the spooky spirit of things, Modbury’s fourth best shopping centre has donned a festive witches hat to celebrate...

Identically-dressed gang members terrorising Schoolies with Jesus talk

23 November, 2019

23 November, 2019

A terrifying new youth gang, reportedly referring to themselves as ‘The Green Team’ are already striking fear into the hearts...

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

Chairman Mao’s portrait to be replaced with image of Pasquale Mastrangelo

16 August, 2018

16 August, 2018

The famous gates of Beijing’s Forbidden City are about to receive a real estate agent-inspired makeover, courtesy of Adelaide commercial...

City resident can’t go twenty minutes without telling someone they live in the CBD

15 October, 2018

15 October, 2018

Even after months after moving into her new South Terrace apartment, Ebony Higgs of Adelaide, continues to remind everyone of...

Theology states St. Agnes is the Patron Saint of filthy hangovers

8 December, 2020

8 December, 2020

After minutes of research, religious scholars have uncovered that St Agnes is the Patron Saint of absolutely rotten hangovers and...

Lifetime Golden Grove resident still doesn’t know difference between Grove Way and Golden Way

30 September, 2020

30 September, 2020

Despite living at “World’s Best Address” for over thirty years, Dellfyn Targethill still struggles with basic geographical concepts in his...

“Reality’s hitting home” – Now my shortcut through David Jones to the car park is gone!

24 March, 2020

24 March, 2020

Everything had been fine up until this point. You know, it’s bad and all that, I’m not trivialising the seriousness...

Changes to medi-hotel rules means no more licking guests in quarantine without a permit

25 November, 2020

25 November, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT It has been a tradition in South Australia since the nineteenth century, but one stroke of a pen...

REVEALED: Seven Stars Hotel actually only has 4.3 star Google rating

7 November, 2019

7 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South Australia, today...

The Advertiser returns to 100% satire following April Fools’ prank

2 April, 2019

2 April, 2019 1

It is a publication that has always gone to great lengths to get a laugh from South Australians. From the...

Man successfully connects to AdelaideFree wifi network

5 November, 2018

5 November, 2018

In what has been described as a once in a lifetime technological phenomenon, city worker Simon Line has defied astronomical...

Farmers Union releases Iced Coffee flavoured LPG Gas. Don’t ask why, just buy it.

15 October, 2021

15 October, 2021

Since launching the Iced Coffee flavoured doughnut, the team at Farmer’s Union have quickly realised that the majority of you...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: