30 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the Adelaide CBD last night.

Nearing dinnertime Mile End resident and widower, Jack Ettpertayto, decided to fire up the Google Assistant on his Samsung S3 to find a nice roast buffet.

“Okay Google, take me to Carvery”

Already foreseeing the plot holes that this story will inevitably contain, Jack purposely chose to ignore the Google description and images attached to the location, and headed towards the city.

Upon arrival at his usual dinner time of 4:45pm, Jack waltzed into Calvary Hospital with a large napkin already tucked into his shirt. Approaching the admissions desk with a big grin and holding his knife and fork vertically, Jack excitedly exclaimed to the orderly “I’m here for the meat!”

Quickly ushered to a bed for assessment, Jack was in awe of the outstanding customer service, ‘I’m all for a sit down meal, but a lay down meal is even better. The wait staff are very caring too, the only time I’ve been shown this type of concern at The Buckingham Arms was when I choked on my ninth bit of crackling’.

However, Jack was somewhat let down by his meal ‘The roast they gave me wasn’t the best, plus I couldn’t go up and ask for more. Tasted a bit like hospital food to be honest, next time I’ll probably venture out to the Elizabeth Shopping Centre food court’.

Jack will be transferred to the Lyell McEwin psychiatric ward next week.

Related Posts

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

21 December, 2018

21 December, 2018

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount...

Calm down mate, it’s Monarto, not Zimbabwe

10 January, 2019

10 January, 2019

Equipped with the most expensive DSLR and biggest telescopic lens Ted’s Cameras had in stock, Gavin Numpty of Murray Bridge...

MIRACLE: PM somehow manages to make our Premier seem like a good leader

6 January, 2020

6 January, 2020

In perhaps his finest achievement of his Prime Ministership to-date, Scott Morrison has pulled off a selfless miracle, sacrificing his...

SA tells WA ‘Only we have the skills to maintain problem-riddled subs’

13 August, 2019

13 August, 2019

With Western Australia circling Adelaide’s lucrative Collins Class Submarine maintenance contract, SA’s western counterparts have been told to ‘Back off,...

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

10 September, 2018

10 September, 2018

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s...

Fringe show releases new promotional image following KKK backlash

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

Adelaide Fringe has responded to an online petition urging them to pull support of a controversial BDSM show after an...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Uh-oh! This article is sponsored by some company, but we forgot who

20 February, 2019

20 February, 2019

After taking a look at The Betoota Advocate’s website and seeing how much advertising money we’re missing out on, we...

2003 Seaford High graduate wears Year 12 jumper to commemorate the year he peaked

8 June, 2018

8 June, 2018

As he once again donned the faded maroon sweatshirt for a trip to the shops, Ryan Govern, 33, reminisced about...

Unique SA strain of virus now being found in Victoria

15 March, 2020

15 March, 2020

DIRK SPUD In worrying signs that we may be reaching a point of no return when it comes to its...

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

Nuff: We interviewed this garden gnome wearing a POWER shirt and he couldn’t even name their captain

5 February, 2020

5 February, 2020

Somewhere in the backstreets of Glanville sits a cocky garden gnome claiming allegiance to the POWER. Within a manicured low-maintenance...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

“Our one mistake was not charging more for a thickshake” – 50SixOne

1 March, 2020

1 March, 2020

With the business in the hands of liquidators and its three remaining stores now closed, the owners of 50sixone have...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: