20 October, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Turns out Flagstaff Road was just an elaborate prank on motorists from the northern suburbs

As South Australia gears itself to farewell the last of its reversible roads, the state’s Minister for One-Way Roads, Hovercraft and Segways Taureen Sailor has revealed that the real reason why Flagstaff Road has that one reversible lane in the middle

Sailor told Adelaide Mail that the middle lane was never intended to be taken seriously by southern commuters, but instead was built as a way to confuse people from the northern suburbs to the amusement of locals.

‘No way! Nobody from down south ever takes the middle lane up the road,’ Sailor said from the Flagstaff Road control centre while maniacally flicking the switch that changed the direction on the road’s middle lane signage.

‘Are you kidding? That would be certain death. All you need is some idiot who thinks that a big red X on the sign actually means: “Right this way, champion” and before you know it you’ve crashed your Mazda 2 head on into a truck.’

Nobody from down south ever takes the middle lane up the road

And while the lack of a third lane on the road might impact peak hour traffic, Sailor says it is worth it just for the terrified looks on the faces of those from north of Grand Junction Road.

‘It will be a shame to see it go, but too many people are cottoning on to the joke now. It’s like when everyone started to recognise Borat so Sacha Baron Cohen had to start dressing as a gay Austrian fashion journalist so that he could kiss a man at an MMA cage fight and incite a homophobia-fuelled riot in Arkansas.

‘It’s just like that. Except instead of a cage fight, I just bring my kids and some deck chairs down to the side of the road on a Sunday afternoon to watch all the confused motorists almost go the wrong way. I mean, it’s no Borat, but it’s still pretty funny.’

Related Posts

99.98% of all SA servo robberies perpetrated by the servo

12 March, 2019

12 March, 2019

South Australia has the highest service station robbery rates in the nation. However, largely due to our Peregrine overlords, it...

Crows fan still angry about Ian Perrie for some reason

4 April, 2019

4 April, 2019

Their forward line has been a constant source of contempt for Adelaide Crows fans since Tony Modra packed up his...

You can still take the kids to Puzzle Park this school holidays, it’s now somehow safer

8 July, 2020

8 July, 2020

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

Chairman Mao’s portrait to be replaced with image of Pasquale Mastrangelo

16 August, 2018

16 August, 2018

The famous gates of Beijing’s Forbidden City are about to receive a real estate agent-inspired makeover, courtesy of Adelaide commercial...

Rob Lucas madly Googles ‘SA state-owned assets’ after GST writedown

17 December, 2019

17 December, 2019

A $474 million reduction in previously promised Commonwealth grants and GST revenue and has seen State Treasurer Rob Lucas resort...

State Liberals sign sponsorship deal with Dulux in attempt to whitewash their reputation

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

With their reputation already facing questions thanks to former Liberal MP Sam ‘Wandering Hands’ Duluk, the South Australian Liberal Party...

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

22 November, 2019

22 November, 2019

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online...

Now a North Adelaide Resident, Djokovic makes noise complaint at 7pm on Friday

23 January, 2021

23 January, 2021

Whilst world number one tennis player Novak Djokovic has been in quarantine in North Adelaide, he has become accustomed to...

Victorians stowed away on train raise suspicion when they try to get off at Chidda

15 July, 2020

15 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Four Victorians have raised the suspicions of fellow passengers when they attempted to alight at the mythical Chidda...

Modbury Triangle celebrates 14th shopper of 2020

3 March, 2020

3 March, 2020

In what has been an admittedly slower year for one of the smaller metropolitan shopping outlets, Modbury Triangle Shopping Centre...

Advertiser finance editor absolutely qualified to review Fringe shows

4 March, 2019

4 March, 2019

As tightening budgets continue to put pressure on satirical newspaper The Advertiser’s shrinking newsroom, the annual festival season has once...

Modbury High graduate furious at suggestion she went to Modbury Heights

15 April, 2019

15 April, 2019

It’s been over 15 years since Kelly S. Farm graduated high school to pursue a sticky-tape tester apprenticeship, but there...

South Australians tipped to consume $3bn worth of Zooper Doopers today

24 January, 2019

24 January, 2019

While many today will be doing their best to not think about just how high the mercury is expected to...

Local woman’s life about as organised as Midnight Pharmacy

9 July, 2021

9 July, 2021

Local hot mess and ‘it’ girl (‘it’ meaning ‘shambolic’) Kay Otik’s life has taken yet another dramatic turn in a...

City dads mourn the closure of their sole fashion source

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

Dads from around Adelaide have gathered to pay silent tribute to their sole source of clothing and style advice following...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: