28 November, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Turns out Christies Beach sludge spill just rejected Caleb Bond articles

A break-in at the Christies Beach sewage treatment plant has seen the nearby beach closed for a stretch of 200 metres after vandals released rejected article pitches from conservative youth sensation Caleb Bond.

Initial investigations indicate that a valve had been intentionally opened at the plant, seeing Bond’s rejected opinion pieces spew into the Gulf St Vincent.

SAPOL are investigating the incident and have admitted that they are baffled as to why anybody would choose to break into a sewage treatment plant, let alone one that is home to the treatment of works from the winner of Australia’s Most Young Liberal 2000-2015.

As far as I could tell, nothing of Caleb Bond’s was ever rejected. I thought it was just a case of “open your mouth and print whatever falls out”

Acting Assistant Deputy Vice Commissioner Johnson O’Shaughnessy told Adelaide Mail ‘at this stage we’re investigating all possible avenues. We have previously responded to reports from staff about Mr Bond. Police have found him, on occasion, wading through the sludge to fish out old articles of his, weeping, while shouting “why have you forsaken me, Andrew Bolt?”’.

‘But we’re certainly not suggesting that Mr Bond would ever cause this level of damage to the environment as a vanity project. We have worked with The Advertiser to ensure that Mr Bond’s sludge is restricted to within the online and print editions of the News Corp satirical newspaper. Any departure from this is not only outside of our legal agreement but also puts residents at great risk’.

Auditors from the EPA are still conducting tests of the contaminated water, however, with such articles as “The best young people are baby boomers” and “Why racist cartoons are actually good for minorities” there is little hope that the complete swimming ban will be lifted in the foreseeable future.

One journalist at satirical newspaper The Advertiser told Adelaide Mail ‘I’m shocked by all this. As far as I could tell, nothing of Caleb Bond’s was ever rejected. I thought it was just a case of “open your mouth and print whatever falls out”’.

in News
Related Posts

Nu-Metal band sees potential in Adelaide Real Estate Market

6 June, 2019

6 June, 2019

With the Adelaide Real Estate market still representing great value for investors and first home buyers, a new agency established...

Burnside teen reports child abuse after dad refuses to buy her BMW X3

28 August, 2019

28 August, 2019

A 16-year-old Burnside girl has resorted to reporting her father to the Department for Child Protection after he refused to...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

14 year old comedic genius invents the nickname “Colon Aids”

19 March, 2020

19 March, 2020

A Hackham West teenager has taken Adelaide’s southern suburbs by storm after creating a hilarious crude nickname for Colonnades shopping...

“Yeah that counts as a bath” says dad who has clearly given up for the year

22 December, 2019

22 December, 2019

In what was initially meant to just be letting the kids “dip their feet in” the water play area of...

Torrens NYE “just as good as Darling Harbour” says cash-strapped dad

30 December, 2018

30 December, 2018

Following intensive rallying by his two sons calling for a new year’s eve trip to Sydney, Walton Erudite has made...

Adelaide Crows Aquatic Centre will abolish Pike Position

12 December, 2019

12 December, 2019

With the Adelaide Crows Aquatic Centre HQ looking to go ahead sometime in the near future because they’re the Crows...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Subscribe to Adelaide Mail for a free set of headphones

25 June, 2019

25 June, 2019

With the state’s largest satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, currently attempting to lure the fellow kids into subscribing to their state...

EXPOSED: Ancestry DNA shows Adelaide not even related to “Sister Cities”

12 February, 2020

12 February, 2020

MATT FREEMAN The Adelaide City Council has attempted to stop all those naysayers that say “Sister Cities” is some meaningless...

Demand for SA produce leads to spike in exports of Adelaide tap water

21 June, 2019

21 June, 2019

With the growing international reputation of South Australian food and wine, foodies from around the world have begun to develop...

Desperate $5 Fringe show now accepting AfterPay

13 March, 2019

13 March, 2019

Photo credit: Abi Skipp Following several weeks of lower-than-expected ticket sales, the Garden of Unearthly Delights’ cheapest ticketed show — The...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

Fringe show releases new promotional image following KKK backlash

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

Adelaide Fringe has responded to an online petition urging them to pull support of a controversial BDSM show after an...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: