23 October, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Keith Martyn’s 2022 South Australian Almanac painfully blunt yet precise

DAN SCHMIDT

The Prince of Pascals, Keith Martyn, has once again accurately summarised South Australian circumstances in his annual (yearly) almanac.

Whilst Ol’ Keefy (as he likes to be called) traditionally released almanacs containing a wide breadth of information about South Australia, ranging from local fishing spots to local fishing conditions, the state of South Australia is summed up in two simple expletive words in the 2022 edition.

“Shit’s fucked.”

Keith Martyn, 2022

Whilst what Keith is referring to exactly with this statement is unclear, it seems pretty accurate nonetheless.

Weather (get it?) it be our current health or social dilemmas, weather, imposed restrictions, the Britannia Roundabout, gardening conditions, the fact that Shotz is no longer open, or the lack of whiting off the coast, Keith has once again eloquently summarised it all.

Keith Martyn’s latest almanac is available for everyone to purchase as a very late Christmas present for the grandfather you haven’t got around to seeing yet because of COVID and also because you’re a shitty grandchild at your local Keith-MARTyn’s (K-Mart).

Editor’s note: Funny (and true) story. If you search for Keith Martyn on Google, the first picture displayed above his official summary is by us. We don’t have any real goals with this website, but we’re pretty sure we achieved one with this:

in Life, News
Related Posts

“Cyclists take up so much room” says man from 4 metre wide Emotional Support Vehicle

16 January, 2024

16 January, 2024

As the annual summer surge of spanex sporters stuffing suburban street spaces starts, so do complaints from motorists that cyclists...

Malls Balls shrink as winter arrives in Adelaide

1 June, 2022

1 June, 2022

Since 1977 they have proudly been on display for all to see, but it appears winter has truly arrived in...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

Bloke who spent $900 on Home Lottery tickets very satisfied with his $75 Heatworks gift card

28 September, 2018

28 September, 2018

Troy Simons of Rosewater, lives by the old adage ‘you gotta’ be in it to win it’, and ‘win it’...

With fewer flights, proposal made to bring back West Lakes McDonalds Party Plane

30 April, 2021

30 April, 2021

With this whole COVID thing still going nuts in countries that can’t get their shit together, fewer international flights are...

Addicts reduced to drinking Dare as iced coffee shortage hits

16 April, 2019

16 April, 2019

With the state in the midst of a regional Farmers Union Iced Coffee shortage, scores of heavily-addicted South Australians have...

Shopper actually finds reasonably priced product at OTR

2 August, 2019

2 August, 2019

With South Australia’s government mandated restrictive shopping hours in full force, partly enacted to ensure citizens patronise local family-run service...

PSA: Victorians reminded to make their highly original jokes about Adelaide before midnight tonight

21 November, 2020

21 November, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Victorians are being reminded that the opportunity to make their scintillatingly witty observations about the South Australian capital...

Kent Town resident drives length of North Terrace without being stopped

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Dwayne Hoff of Kent Town could not believe his luck last Wednesday afternoon. As he hopped in his car to meet friends at “The Deli” in Thebarton, little did he know what was in store for him.

Girl lasts until 2nd winery pretending to care about tasting wine

27 January, 2019

27 January, 2019

Brooke Dogtram likes to think that wine tours are about more than just getting day-drunk for a nominal fee of...

Plans for Adelaide Hills Theme Park ‘Magic Mount Lofty’ announced

22 March, 2019

22 March, 2019

The Adelaide Hills Council have announced development plans for a ‘new’ theme park at the state’s most popular hiking destination...

Hollywood Plaza just happy to make the news for something that isn’t an armed robbery

17 November, 2020

17 November, 2020

As the Parafield COVID cluster tracing focuses on more locations in the northern suburbs, one venue has taken this as...

Behold! The Garden of Unearthly Awkward Stop and Chats

19 February, 2020

19 February, 2020

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite the highest of expectations, one Gepps Cross man’s foray into the Garden of Unearthly Delights has degenerated...

6 Classic Adelaide Crows Moments We’ll Never, Ever, Ever, Ever Forget

15 November, 2021

15 November, 2021

MATTHEW DEVITT 1. The Toyota marketing department launches a football team Desperate to increase the fledgling sales of its 4-door...

Wayne Weidemann’s glorious mullet immortalised in bronze statue

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

Never a city to be outdone by Melbourne, today Adelaide unveiled it’s very own bronze statue in response to Tayla...

Comments
Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading