15 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

You can visit Red Square this weekend! (And by ‘Red Square’ we mean some ginger nerd)

DAN SCHMIDT

With news breaking that pubs will not commence reopening until June, there are still plenty of ways to have fun in Adelaide.

Why not pay a visit to Red Square this weekend? No, we don’t mean Adelaide’s premier and least ventilated nightclub, we mean Todd’s house.

Todd is some ginger we know. Nice enough, but he’s clearly a nerd. We all know a Todd, maybe he’s an old highschool friend who you’ve been meaning to catch up with for a while, maybe he’s that guy you met in the first year of uni when you had no other friends, or perhaps your Todd is just that annoying latcher-on but you know shutting him down would absolutely crush him.

Either way, now is the perfect time to visit that Red Square, so you can at least get it out of the way before we can all actually go out and drink again. Sure, it probably won’t be as “fun” as visiting the actual Red Square, but we’re sure the conversation will be pleasant, albeit a little awkward at times. But on the upside, you’re probably far less likely to be assaulted by thugs posing as security guards.

Related Posts

Something a little off about this 40 year old bloke still listening to Fresh FM

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

Kristy just introduced this Darren guy to the group, and he seems nice and all, but we’re just not too...

LEAKED: Shortlist of Port Adelaide’s other proposed new logos

15 October, 2019

15 October, 2019

Following the unveiling of Port Adelaide Football Club’s new logo commemorating the club’s 23rd year anniversary, Adelaide Mail can reveal...

Crows fan still angry about Ian Perrie for some reason

4 April, 2019

4 April, 2019

Their forward line has been a constant source of contempt for Adelaide Crows fans since Tony Modra packed up his...

Township of Gawler produces another tradie

20 June, 2019

20 June, 2019

After committing hundreds of man-hours and thousands of dollars to a town-wide search, the northern Adelaide township of Gawler has...

Crows fans starting to think this may not entirely be the fault of umpires

17 August, 2020

17 August, 2020

The one long-standing tradition of the Adelaide Football Club fan-base has been blaming umpire decisions for losses. However, with 12...

Crows ruckman’s phone breaks, accidentally likes a bunch of transphobic and anti-BLM tweets

9 July, 2020

9 July, 2020

Adelaide Crows ruckman Reilly O’Brien’s had an absolute mare. Wouldn’t you know it, his bloody iPhone 8 carked it, then...

Single bloke on Kangaroo Island killing it on Tinder this week

1 November, 2018

1 November, 2018

What a week it has been for Steve Bachelor, 34, of Kangaroo Island. ‘It gets pretty hard dating in regional...

Playford resident quickly finds out why House & Land package was so cheap

8 October, 2018

8 October, 2018

Finally deciding to bite the bullet of home ownership, Mel Ashton, 29, of Smithfield, felt she could not go past...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas settles for Parabanks gig again

1 December, 2019

1 December, 2019

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Adelaide Metro bus driver sets heater to a nice comfortable 48 degrees

2 July, 2020

2 July, 2020

As we enter the middle of a mild winter, Adelaide public transport operators are doing the best to ensure the...

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

CBD skateboarders disappointed at lack of actual ramp outside RAH

9 November, 2018

9 November, 2018

Dozens of skateboarders gathered outside the Royal Adelaide Hospital Emergency Department yesterday as news spread about a new ramp near...

FACT: It’s called “Emo Park” because it’s the most depressing place in Adelaide

9 October, 2020

9 October, 2020

The midwest pocket of Hindmarsh Square is certainly an interesting place. There’s a giant dead fish skeleton, a dodgy looking...

SA Govt to start shifting truckloads of ‘Whinging Semaphore residents’

9 September, 2019

9 September, 2019

Following weeks of protests, debates and back-and-forth, the state government has finally arrived at a solution that will see their...

Remaining KI koalas go missing as news of PM’s visit spreads

8 January, 2020

8 January, 2020

As news of the Prime Minister’s visit to Kangaroo Island spreads amongst what remains of Kangaroo Island’s koala community, the...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: