21 January, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

TRENT BARTLETT

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters are reporting that services have become far more reliable and punctual.

While many have been left scratching their heads at the service improvements, Gülter Hedburger from the South Australian Centre for Rail Transport and the Correct Pronunciation of the Word ‘Dance’ says that the improved services are no surprise.

‘Actually, the improved punctuality of the services just came from all the workers trying to get their routes over and done with so they would get to the meetings on time’, says Hedburger.

‘Before yesterday’s shut down, commuter rail services were running on an average of 24 hours and 17 minutes late. However, throughout the scheduled shut down period, the average service discrepancy was cut down massively to just 24 hours’.

‘So a train that was scheduled to arrive at, say Chidda station at 11:30 on Sunday morning actually got to Chidda by 11:30 Monday morning, instead of 11:47 which would usually happen. Of course nobody would have noticed that, because who the hell gets on at Chidda?’

Of course once the drivers finally walked off the job, Stephan Knoll’s meeting had already been finished for about a day. 

‘We’re really not too sure what the meeting was all about’, continues Hedburger. ‘We’re guessing it was just to re-assure everybody that the rail network won’t be sold off, while simultaneously looking for buyers of the rail system. You know, the normal state government meeting’.

Related Posts

COMPROMISE FOUND: SA Govt to install new tram that ONLY turns right

20 November, 2018

20 November, 2018

After months of deliberation, studies and costings, Transport Minister Stephan Knoll announced on Sunday that the right-hand turn for trams...

The real puzzle is how nobody died

6 August, 2019

6 August, 2019

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

‘What’s Sydney got that Adelaide doesn’t?’ says man who can’t find job

15 July, 2019

15 July, 2019

Unemployed volleyball salesman and indiscriminately parochial South Australian Conrad Junkles is often leaping to the defence of his home state....

Demand for SA produce leads to spike in exports of Adelaide tap water

21 June, 2019

21 June, 2019

With the growing international reputation of South Australian food and wine, foodies from around the world have begun to develop...

More like “Slowa Pasta” says local comedic genius

9 August, 2019

9 August, 2019

As a group of friends decided to treat themselves 1998’s best dining experience, little did they know what was in...

Calm down Jessica, it’s Lofty, not Everest

21 December, 2018

21 December, 2018

With a backpack full of rations, emergency supplies, and flares, Jessica Peak is fully equipped for her 3.9km Waterfall Gully to Mount...

Advertiser’s top 100 restaurant list just Barnacle Bill 100 times

16 October, 2019

16 October, 2019

Usually the number one source of fish and chip paper itself, our State’s leading satirical newspaper The Advertiser has surprised...

AdBlocker removes entire AdelaideNow website

22 July, 2019

22 July, 2019

As Gavin Alook was searching for an old news article about the time his school actually figured out what the...

Next season of ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ to actually be set in Adelaide’s premier suburb of Paradise

24 August, 2018

24 August, 2018

Due to excessive helicopter use and a vast majority of the budget being spent on Osher’s hair, Channel 10 executives have...

Guy who hasn’t been to the Casino in 15 years can’t wait to play that horse racing game again

20 January, 2020

20 January, 2020

It’s been nearly fifteen years since Whyalla man Mitch Brokeslad has ventured on down to Adelaide, but an invitation to...

OTR pay their staff fairly and we’re writing this of our own free will

11 December, 2019

11 December, 2019

In recent days, you may have seen news about how a group of lawyers are considering launching a class action...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

China finds crafty solution to Baby Formula problem

26 November, 2019

26 November, 2019

With the aftermath of 2008’s Chinese milk scandal still looming over parents’ minds across the country, one Chinese company has...

Plans for Adelaide Hills Theme Park ‘Magic Mount Lofty’ announced

22 March, 2019

22 March, 2019

The Adelaide Hills Council have announced development plans for a ‘new’ theme park at the state’s most popular hiking destination...

North East Road to be 100% service stations by 2026

9 January, 2020

9 January, 2020

With the rise in popularity of X Convenience service stations and OTR’s “they build one, we build two” policy, urban planning experts have revealed that this exponential growth will lead to North East Road becoming entirely lined with service stations by mid-2026.

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: