17 April, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Top two levels “still as exciting as ever” say Myer Centre management

In a bid to entice more people into an ageing, largely vacant shopping centre, the management of the Myer Centre are appealing to shoppers to give the centre another chance, particularly the top two levels.

The upper-most floors of the centre, previously occupied by the state’s foremost jazz-themed indoor amusement park Dazzeland, now sit largely derelict and inaccessible. But the complete lack of interest or access hasn’t stopped the centre undertaking a massive advertising campaign to try and get the centre buzzing again.

‘When our company bought this shopping centre we were told that there would be a rollercoaster’, says Herman Hamburgerphone, chief financial officer at Singaporean real estate investment and novelty bumper sticker company Goodwins Hamburgerphones.

Customers should not expect any rides, Lego displays, pinball machines, fun or jazz-themed fountains

‘We only bought it for the rollercoaster. The photos they showed us had roller coaster, dodgem cars, shooting gallery, we get here and there’s nothing. Just a bunch of emo kids out the front, who even has emo kids anymore?’

But Hamburgerphone believes that the draw of cracked tiles, security guards’ offices and storage areas for old shop fittings will be enough of a pull to entice the punters back in.

Hamburgerphone continues: ‘Please come and experience all the razzle dazzle of the top two floors of the Myer Centre which, following a court decision, we are legally allowed to once again call Dazzeland…as long as we provide a disclaimer that our Dazzeland bears no resemblence to the original amusement park of the same name. And customers should not expect any rides, Lego displays, pinball machines, fun or jazz-themed fountains. Entry is twelve dollars’.

Related Posts

Shopper actually finds reasonably priced product at OTR

2 August, 2019

2 August, 2019

With South Australia’s government mandated restrictive shopping hours in full force, partly enacted to ensure citizens patronise local family-run service...

After stealing our Grand Prix, Melbourne now steals our idea of cancelling a motor race

6 July, 2021

6 July, 2021

After stealing the Formula 1 Grand Prix from Adelaide in 1996, Melbourne has once again stolen a South Australian motorsport...

Snowflakes triggered by scoreboard change seriously look like they couldn’t bat for shit

27 November, 2023

27 November, 2023 1

The iconic Adelaide Oval scoreboard has been updated as the Strikers are set to host the WBBL final this weekend....

2001 Golden Grove High graduate still using the word ‘Gug’

2 January, 2019

2 January, 2019

Over 17 years since barely graduating from Golden Grove, Richard Mahogany of Greenwith continues to utilise obscure and almost obsolete...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Council looks to landlords for lessons on dealing with housing crisis…by evicting people sleeping in tents in parks

30 September, 2025

30 September, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT Councils around Adelaide have begun doing their part to fight the housing crisis, by evicting dozens of people...

Melbourne man visits Adelaide just to complain about shop trading hours

12 January, 2019

12 January, 2019

Gouland Hambitter and his family moved to Melbourne from Adelaide when he was eight-years-old. His father had taken up a...

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

New Morphettville homes to come with complimentary shitfaced bogan spewing in your hedge

28 May, 2025

28 May, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT A new $350 million housing estate alongside the Morphettville Racecourse is set to connect Adelaideans with two of...

Crows fans starting to think this may not entirely be the fault of umpires

17 August, 2020

17 August, 2020

The one long-standing tradition of the Adelaide Football Club fan-base has been blaming umpire decisions for losses. However, with 12...

Keith Martyn’s 2022 South Australian Almanac painfully blunt yet precise

11 January, 2022

11 January, 2022

The Prince of Pascals, Keith Martyn, has once again accurately summarised South Australian circumstances in his annual (yearly) almanac. Whilst...

The Queen just found out Elizabeth is named after her and she is fucking pissed

31 May, 2021

31 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT As if her year couldn’t get any worse, Queen Elizabeth II has just learned that the northern Adelaide...

Westfield vastly overestimating how much people actually want to go to Tea Tree Plaza

5 February, 2021

5 February, 2021

As Westfield Tea Tree Plaza shopping centre plans to enforce paid parking, one thing they haven’t considered is that nobody...

New poll reveals if election were to be held tomorrow the Liberal Party would lose to that party who wants to introduce mandatory beatings for baby pandas

23 October, 2025

23 October, 2025

TRENT BARTLETT A new statewide poll has delivered grim news for the South Australian Liberal Party, revealing that if an...

Tinder date downgraded to Hawker’s Corner after iffy message

24 June, 2019

24 June, 2019

A looming Tinder date has had its venue downgraded to West Terrace food court Hawker’s Corner following a questionable opinion...

Comments

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading