19 June, 2026 South Australia's Other Fake News Source

Goolwa Line Electrified

DAN SCHMIDT

Whilst the SteamRanger Cockle Train has always been a reliable mode of public transport for Middleton residents commuting to their office jobs in the hustling metropolis of Port Elliot, commuters were shocked to find that the steam train had been made electric as of yesterday morning.

It appears that the major transport project was picked up by a Fleurieu Peninsula resident who, unsurprisingly, was hard of hearing and mistook ‘Gawler’ for ‘Goolwa’.

‘I think someone got their wires crossed’ said rail commuter Victor Harbor resident Elle Durley ‘And I mean that quite literally, some of the electrical wires touched each other and it messed up operations for a while. I ended up being late to my 4pm dinner at The Crown’.

However, aside from some early teething issues (we also mean that literally, multiple sets of dentures were found left on the carriage seats) commuters seem pleased with the changes.

‘It’s probably quieter’, said Elle ‘but to be honest I couldn’t notice the difference’.

Adelaide Mail reporters initially planned to take a test ride on the new electrified Goolwa line, but missed the train as they were lining up at Port Elliot Bakery during the long weekend. We will provide a full report of the train’s operations after we’ve got to the front of the line, which we estimate will be at some point in July 2023.

Related Posts

New school zone speed limits “definitely not revenue-raising” says new Police Commissioner, a six-foot tall Fabergé egg

26 May, 2026

26 May, 2026

South Australia’s new 40km/h school zone speed limits have come under fire, with motorists labelling them “confusing”, “pointless” and “why...

New Tea Tree Plaza Timezone to include O-Bahn driving simulator

28 June, 2024

28 June, 2024

The opening of a new Timezone on the previous lower level of Myer that nobody really cared about occurred last...

Solution found to bring back Adelaide 500

3 March, 2021

3 March, 2021

With South Australia’s heavily-branded apparel wearers lamenting the lack of The Clipsal or Superloop or Adelaide 500 or whatever it...

Bowden plant sale customer will definitely keep them alive this time

6 May, 2019

6 May, 2019

Serial houseplant murderer Juniper Cortisol may have a track record in buying and subsequently killing all of her previous houseplants,...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

New reality TV series to be set in Barossa – “Tanundacover Boss”

5 February, 2021

5 February, 2021

As more commercial television content continues to be produced locally, there is one new series that certainly begs the question...

Melbourne man visits Adelaide just to complain about shop trading hours

12 January, 2019

12 January, 2019

Gouland Hambitter and his family moved to Melbourne from Adelaide when he was eight-years-old. His father had taken up a...

Spike in northern suburbs weddings ahead of Bali extramarital sex ban

22 September, 2019

22 September, 2019

The looming introduction of a new Indonesian law prohibiting extramarital sex and unmarried couples living together has seen a huge...

We rank Adelaide’s most livable suburbs

10 June, 2021

10 June, 2021 1

With the announcement of Adelaide being ranked the world’s 3rd most livable city, the time has come to take a...

“Melbourne is so much better” says girl who couldn’t afford to live there

16 July, 2019

16 July, 2019

Having recently moved back to Adelaide after a brief stint in Australia’s most consistently overcast city, polaroid photography student Edith...

Chief Medical Officer dismisses conspiracy theory that blames 5G for Caleb Bond

11 May, 2020

11 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT The state’s deputy-deputy chief medical officer Dr Morris Gypsum has dismissed a conspiracy theory that points the finger...

Michael Keelan referred to as Keith Conlon for the last time!

23 September, 2018

23 September, 2018

That’s it, he’s absolutely had it. At first it was funny, sometimes even a little bit flattering, but enough is...

OTR pay their staff fairly and we’re writing this of our own free will

11 December, 2019

11 December, 2019

In recent days, you may have seen news about how a group of lawyers are considering launching a class action...

Demand for SA produce leads to spike in exports of Adelaide tap water

21 June, 2019

21 June, 2019

With the growing international reputation of South Australian food and wine, foodies from around the world have begun to develop...

North East Road to be 100% service stations by 2026

9 January, 2020

9 January, 2020 1

With the rise in popularity of X Convenience service stations and OTR’s “they build one, we build two” policy, urban planning experts have revealed that this exponential growth will lead to North East Road becoming entirely lined with service stations by mid-2026.

Comments

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Adelaide Mail

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading