4 February, 2023

12-year-old Goolwa resident VERY happy with his latest artwork

TRENT BARTLETT

It was a fleeting moment of inspiration that struck 12-year-old Pervis Persimmon on his Sunday afternoon walk past Goolwa’s Cockle Train, what followed is a rare example of comedic genius that is bound to be spoken about for decades to come.

When Pervis passed Goolwa’s historic Cockle Train he was struck with a thought: ‘That train has had it too good for too long! Time to even up the score.’

While we’re not exactly sure what he meant by any of that, we assume that the train once wronged Pervis in some type of coin-flattening-on-railway-track experiment gone bad.

Since Adelaide Mail were made aware of the sign’s amendment, management have been in contact with Pervis to offer him a lucrative contract writing comedy for us

Adelaide Mail has neither the resources or interest in doing any amount of research into the matter, but if we were to guess, Pervis probably once placed a 50 cent coin on the Cockle Train’s tracks in hope of turning his currency into a warped souvenir.

However, a combination of a lightweight locomotive and the bulky 50 cent coin meant that the would-be harmless experiment led to the derailment of the Cockle Train leaving dozens of commuters late for work.

In this scenario, we have assumed that 30+ people catch the Cockle Train to get from Goolwa to their office in Victor Harbor.

Pervis’s “evening up” of the “score” in this case took the form of some hastily-scrawled vandalism on Cockle Train signage. Signage that now reads, to the unaware passer-by: ‘The Cock Train.’

Since Adelaide Mail were made aware of the sign’s amendment, management have been in contact with Pervis to offer him a lucrative contract writing comedy for us. He told us that he wouldn’t be ‘seen dead lowering my standards to write for a satirical news website.’

Related Posts

South Australian corrects interstate friend on her pronunciation again

19 February, 2019

19 February, 2019

In what is fast becoming a deal-breaker amongst new Victorian friends and colleagues of South Australian Shelly Fischer, the freshly-migrated...

Power fan with ‘Est. 1870’ tattoo tells Crows fan to ‘stop living in past’

5 April, 2019

5 April, 2019

Albert Tonne is one of those ‘passionate’ Port Power fans, he attends most Power home games (unless it’s a little cloudy or...

Lightsview resident who refuses to use own garage and driveway complains about street parking

3 February, 2023

3 February, 2023

Disgruntled Lightsview resident, Anne Grey-Parker, has once again submitted a formal complaint to local council regarding an ongoing problem that...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

5 January, 2019

5 January, 2019

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother...

Another bloody comedian writes “I thought this was supposed to be satire” on Adelaide Mail post

17 September, 2020

17 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT He’s done it again! Everyone loves it when Rob chimes in on a conversation with one of his...

Bloke ordering a Halal Snack Pack at Adelaide yiros shop might as well be speaking another language

31 January, 2020

31 January, 2020

A tourist visiting from Sydney’s Newtown has confounded the owner of a North Adelaide yiros shop by attempting to order...

Munno Para driverless bus somehow involved in road rage incident

17 July, 2019

17 July, 2019 1

A minibus that operates without anybody behind the steering wheel has somehow become embroiled in a road rage incident in...

Premier calls press conference just to ask “why would anybody want to go to Victoria?”

16 November, 2020

16 November, 2020

Premier Steven Marshall has called a press conference just hours before learning about a growing cluster of COVID-19 cases in...

Tea Tree Gully Christmas Decorations Spread Christmas Cheer and Chilling Nightmares

7 December, 2022

7 December, 2022

As decorations have begun to adorn the streets of Adelaide, one display is certainly causing much more discussion (and possibly...

Tea Tree Plaza now investigating accuracy of Einstein mural quote

30 November, 2021

30 November, 2021

After falsely attributing a quote to Sir David Attenborough in a public mural, Tea Tree Plaza’s mural and roof leak...

TAFE SA qualifications now offered on Foodland dockets with purchase over $40

3 December, 2018

3 December, 2018

The aftermath of controversy, audits, resignations, misconduct and corruption has led to TAFE SA taking drastic measures to ensure qualifications...

OTR owners to install giant sun-blocking device over Adelaide

18 December, 2018

18 December, 2018

South Australia’s omnipotent overlords the Peregrine Corporation have proposed an eternal solution to guaranteeing demand for 24/7 convenience stores and...

UniSA mature-aged student puts hand up again

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

eaking: 12 students from UniSA’s Magill campus are believed to have spent the last seven hours locked in a tutorial room after their course’s resident mature-aged student began raising her hand to quiz her tutor on a raft of trivial questions.

Report: Albert Bensimon actually enjoyed a little bit of hoo-ha

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite his self-anointed reputation as a serious, no-nonsense jewellery magnate, the Adelaide Mail can finally reveal that Albert...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: