9 August, 2022

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South Australia, the 1990’s.

With the new AFL football franchise trying to build a solid fanbase in South Australia, the Adelaide Crows decided to launch something it felt would resonate best with locals, a sweet flavoured milk drink.

“Crow Milk” was made almost entirely from the waste products of local sugar refineries, which are usually deemed too sweet for human consumption. However, to circumvent pesky Food Safety Standards laws, the Crows added 1% of warm UHT milk and a drop of artificial caramel sweetener to the recipe and “Crow Milk” was born.

The “drink” initially sold extremely well, because it was the 90’s and it had the Crows logo on it, but once the general public started having severe health problems including diabetes, pancreatic failure and blindness, sales of the “beverage” soon plummeted.

Medical data from the time shows that milk related emergency department admissions spiked 240%, and insulin sales increased six-fold during the time that “Crow Milk” was available to the public. Leading diet research, Zhou Bagovchips, stated ‘The drink should never have been on the market for human consumption. In fact, laboratory tests found that Crow Milk was only useful for stripping paint from mining machinery or biological warfare’.

It has been rumoured that one of the main reasons that South Australia wanted to build a nuclear waste dump was to dispose of the excess Crow Milk units, which once expired, had to be handled whilst wearing a hazmat suit. However, inside sources state that the few remaining Crow Milk units were simply emptied into the Torrens by now deceased junior AFC interns or given to the Jarman brothers.

Quickly trying to distance themselves from the milk scandal, the Crows struck a commercial deal with Snickers, which ultimately led to the “Cows” nickname.

Related Posts

Tea Tree Plaza puts out Halloween decorations

25 October, 2021

25 October, 2021

Getting into the spooky spirit of things, Modbury’s fourth best shopping centre has donned a festive witches hat to celebrate...

Suburb of Devon Park to be renamed Fritz Park

7 January, 2019

7 January, 2019

In an act of South Australian patriotism, a successful campaign by residents has led to the inner north suburb of...

Peter Van the Party Man really just wants a quiet night in with the kids

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

It’s been over thirty years of non-stop debauchery for Goodwood Road’s most-famous party man Peter Van, but his days of...

Government shocked when video of weeping man doesn’t encourage tourists to flock to SA

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

A baffling marketing campaign featuring an elderly man weeping as he toured throughout South Australia’s tourism hot spots has been...

Cunningham’s Warehouse guy comes out of retirement to spruik OTR petrol

21 October, 2021

21 October, 2021

With premium petrol prices rising to $2 a litre this week, Geoff Winter, the 1990’s South Australian variety store commercial...

Collingwood given all-clear to play as long as they promise not to touch the footy

2 June, 2021

2 June, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT In an eleventh-hour decision, South Australian authorities have given Collingwood players and staff an exemption to travel into...

Next election, let’s just all vote for Cosi and see what happens

24 May, 2019

24 May, 2019

With the Federal Election over and not a great deal changing, aside from increased health-care costs for the poor, many...

Ardrossan jetty regulars can spot these city slickers a mile away

13 January, 2020

13 January, 2020

When Goodwood couple Kate and Darren Bovril decided they fancied a nice, peaceful day catching some crabs, they were convinced...

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

30 April, 2019

30 April, 2019

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port...

Man goes to Glenelg for New Year’s under impression it may be good

2 January, 2020

2 January, 2020

A local Adelaide man will tonight undertake what many South Australians have fallen trap to in the past. As a...

Chairman Mao’s portrait to be replaced with image of Pasquale Mastrangelo

16 August, 2018

16 August, 2018

The famous gates of Beijing’s Forbidden City are about to receive a real estate agent-inspired makeover, courtesy of Adelaide commercial...

Nuff: We interviewed this garden gnome wearing a POWER shirt and he couldn’t even name their captain

5 February, 2020

5 February, 2020

Somewhere in the backstreets of Glanville sits a cocky garden gnome claiming allegiance to the POWER. Within a manicured low-maintenance...

Fringe comedian claiming to have performed at Edinburgh just told some jokes outside the RAAF base

16 March, 2022

16 March, 2022

As the Adelaide Fringe Festival begins to wind down, some local comedians are resorting to new tactics in an attempt...

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

New real time fuel app helps motorists find cheapest petrol by simply eliminating OTR servos

14 May, 2021

14 May, 2021

The new RAA real-time fuel app provides South Australian motorists with current information about where to find the cheapest nearby...

Comments

Leave a Reply to Culturally significant South Australian historical artifact uncovered – Adelaide Mail Cancel reply

%d bloggers like this: