3 February, 2023

Russell Crowe spends day on SA tourist trail, hurling phones at Adelaide’s sights

TRENT BARTLETT

Oscar winner and four-time champion of the world’s surliest New Zealand-born Australian Actor Award Russell Crowe has kicked off a tour in his own trademark fashion, by angrily hurling phones at things.

Flying into South Australia on a whistlestop trip, Crowe toured all three of Adelaide’s tourist attractions: the O-Bahn, the Rundle Mall Pigs and that one Pizza Hut at Marion that still lets you dine-in.

‘Most exciting thing to ever happen to Adelaide, I reckon,’ said one visibly impressed Pizza Hut diner. ‘I saw this big bloke come in surrounded by an entourage of twenty or thirty people just smoothing over potential PR disasters wherever they popped up.’

‘He gets a little closer and I think to myself “holy shit, it’s the Gladiator bloke”. So I go up to him and, because I know he’s Aussie, loves to have a laugh and all that, I go: “loved you in the Boy From Oz, Hugh!” Bashed my face in with a telephone. Greatest moment of my life, I reckon.’

From there, Crowe’s believed to have travelled to Rundle Mall to force the bronze pigs and anybody within earshot to listen to and provide a review of Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunt’s 2001 album Bastard Life Or Clarity. 

Rounding out his day by hurling what appeared to be a sack full of phones at passing O-Bahn buses from an O.G. Road footpath.

It is understood that Crowe was here researching for an audition for a role as a gruff, award-winning actor who plays in a rubbish band and travels around South Australia bashing things with phones.

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