22 October, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

SA Space Agency aims to explore Planet Nightclub

Since the establishement of South Australian Space Industry Centre, one strategic plan of the agency has been more important than the rest, exploring Planet Nightclub with the hope of re-establishing a civilisation there one day.

Having been shut, but still ‘there’, for over a decade now, space researchers have deemed The Planet an astrological wonder, in need of further exploration. Little is known about The Planet, situated in the Pirie galaxy, aside from the fact that researchers believe it was once populated by a herd of low-intellect species.

Spokeswoman for the Space Agency, Astra Nommy, Director of Intergalactic Planetary stated  ‘the growth of the space exploration industry in South Australia plays a key role in the State’s economic development, and what better place to start exploring than our very own micro-planet near Adelaide?’

Old paper records found on the site have been deciphered and apparently masses would congregate on Wednesday night for what they called “Retro-Music”

Initial research has confirmed the once lively Planet species became extinct some time ago, leaving behind very few clues of how the Planet’s civilisation lived. Astra Nommy reports ‘from the large amount of Lemon Ruski and Midori relics found, this primitive species clearly sustained itself on large quantities of sugar and alcohol based fluids, along with trace elements of MDMA, also found in early surveys of the Planet’.

‘We also have reason to believe that the extinct Planet inhabitants were rather fond of dancing as a mating ritual. Old paper records found on the site have been deciphered and apparently masses would congregate on Wednesday night for what they called “Retro-Music”, this proves they were a young civilisation, as their interpretation of “retro” was only a decade before their extinction’ Astra continued.

With very little clues about what secrets The Planet may hold for space exploration, researchers are continuing to follow every possible lead they can, Astra commented ‘we found some primitive markings, closely resembling the English language on the Planet. Once deciphered, it led us to what appeared to be a contact number to call if the reader “wanted a good time”. Unfortunately upon calling the number, all we got is the message-bank of some guy called Sean Craig Murphy’.

in Life, News
Related Posts

Steven Marshall reinvents himself with some snazzy new sneakers

9 January, 2019

9 January, 2019

Never one to shrink from the opportunity to imitate one of his federal government counterparts, South Australian Premier Steven Marshall...

Culturally significant South Australian historical artifact uncovered

21 January, 2021

21 January, 2021

A piece of South Australian history has been uncovered in the Adelaide suburbs. The historically significant find sheds light on...

‘You can’t pay off COVID fines using free drink cards’, Zhivago owners told

20 July, 2020

20 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT After copping thousands of dollars in fines for breaking COVID-19 restrictions, the owners of Zhivago have been told...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Apparently Di from Modbury thinks that shops are only allowed to have one employee each

13 May, 2021

13 May, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Whenever the state government finds a renewed focus on shop trading hours, it can mean one of two...

Not to be outdone by Olsen, Mike Rann announced as new chairman for Adelaide Rams

13 October, 2020

13 October, 2020

There’s an old saying that goes ‘politicians never retire, they just end up becoming chairmen of local sporting clubs’, and...

Peter Van’s to close; Advertiser wonders how many more times it can use phrase “Party’s over”

24 January, 2020

24 January, 2020

As news emerged that Adelaide’s resident Party Man, Peter Van will be ceasing all partying come March, subeditors at satirical...

16-39 year olds eligible for vaccine haven’t been this excited about Shotz since 2008

12 August, 2021

12 August, 2021

With news breaking that all people aged 16 to 39 in SA will be eligible to book a Pfizer vaccine...

Protesters storm Tea Tree Plaza Caffe Primo demanding return of $9.90 meals

8 January, 2021

8 January, 2021

Thousands of South Australian patriots have shown up at Caffe Primo to demand the return of the $9.90 meal special,...

Bazza the Bunyip statue becomes target of protesters for his “complicity in colonising Murray”

25 June, 2020

25 June, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Murray Bridge’s monument to the mythical Murray River creature Bazza the Bunyip has become the latest statue to...

Last SA built Commodore honoured by being added to city car wall

14 October, 2021

14 October, 2021

With the National Motor Museum not being regarded as prestigious enough for the last South Australian built Holden Commodore, the...

Phone lines jammed as 24 million Australians all ring Victor Harbor to check on Nan

17 March, 2020

17 March, 2020

TOM STEWART In what has become a serious test of the nation’s telecommunications infrastructure, 24 million phone calls were placed...

Adelaide poaches Open Mouth Kissing Strangers You’ve Just Met Festival from Victoria

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT In news that has been sitting on our desk for years, but we never got around to writing...

Torrens NYE “just as good as Darling Harbour” says cash-strapped dad

30 December, 2018

30 December, 2018

Following intensive rallying by his two sons calling for a new year’s eve trip to Sydney, Walton Erudite has made...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: