5 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Man who suggested synchronising traffic light sequences swiftly fired

A staff member from South Australia’s Department of Planning, Transport & Infrastructure has been fired from his role as a Traffic Light Controller after suggested that Adelaide’s traffic could ‘flow better if traffic lights were synchronised with each other’.

Malcolm Throng had been thinking about his plan to overhaul Adelaide’s traffic lights while driving the length of North Terrace. A journey that took Throng only four hours to complete at 2am on Sunday morning.

Anyway, laughed about it for thirty minutes or so, before just going about the rest of our days

After building up the courage to suggest the idea in a meeting with DPTI decision makers, he eventually told his bosses of his radical plan.

‘Everybody in the room laughed, we all thought it was hilarious’, says Arbitrary Speed Limit Lowerer Frank Goosbelt. ‘He’s really quite a funny guy when he’s not talking about boring things like traffic lights and “making traffic flow better”’.

‘Anyway, laughed about it for thirty minutes or so, before just going about the rest of our days’.

Unfortunately for Throng, there was one member in the meeting who was not laughing. Senior Traffic Light Controller, and Throng’s boss, Deremiah Coldwort had come across his share of funny boys in the past.

‘Sure it’s all fun and games to make a joke about synchronising traffic light sequences’, says Coldwort. ‘But this is our job here. It’s not a joke to me. So when somebody fluffs around saying that he thinks traffic could “flow better” just with a little bit of “primary school level logic”, well I’m not laughing’.

Related Posts

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

‘AFL players will struggle to pay for second story on Queensland holiday homes’ – Brad Crouch

27 March, 2020

27 March, 2020 1

Star Adelaide Crow player Brad Crouch has told Adelaide Mail that some players would ‘struggle to pay for their second...

TAFE SA qualifications now offered on Foodland dockets with purchase over $40

3 December, 2018

3 December, 2018

The aftermath of controversy, audits, resignations, misconduct and corruption has led to TAFE SA taking drastic measures to ensure qualifications...

Car controlled by bees still more courteous than most Adelaide drivers

26 September, 2019

26 September, 2019

In a growing trend to worry drivers and parents across Adelaide, South Australian motorists are surrendering their cars to swarms...

Hills Hoist and Cask Wine sales data significantly correlated for some unknown reason

27 August, 2018

27 August, 2018

Statisticians and data analysts have been left completely baffled at the strongly correlated sales data of two South Australian icons....

KP-24 sales skyrocket at Adelaide pharmacies

20 March, 2019

20 March, 2019

A wave of people have been heading into city pharmacies for the lice treatment, KP-24, and everyone is scratching their head...

Empty Port Adelaide shed makes way for empty apartment building

18 April, 2019

18 April, 2019

The State Government has stepped into the ring in a fight over a historic shed in Port Adelaide, overruling a...

Munno Para driverless bus somehow involved in road rage incident

17 July, 2019

17 July, 2019

A minibus that operates without anybody behind the steering wheel has somehow become embroiled in a road rage incident in...

“Our one mistake was not charging more for a thickshake” – 50SixOne

1 March, 2020

1 March, 2020

With the business in the hands of liquidators and its three remaining stores now closed, the owners of 50sixone have...

South Aussies to ask ‘Keeping Cool?’ a record 47 billion times today

20 November, 2019

20 November, 2019

With Adelaide bracing for its hottest day since March, Adelaideans are readying themselves for an onslaught of inquisitiveness about the...

Johnny Haysman eats 2kg bag of sugar in attempt to gain YouTube subscribers

6 March, 2019

6 March, 2019

In an attempt to appeal to a younger market and beat the YouTube algorithm, local eccentric Adelaide legend John Haysman...

SA tells WA ‘Only we have the skills to maintain problem-riddled subs’

13 August, 2019

13 August, 2019

With Western Australia circling Adelaide’s lucrative Collins Class Submarine maintenance contract, SA’s western counterparts have been told to ‘Back off,...

Victor Harbor opens new Youth Centre for local adolescents aged 55-70

9 July, 2018

9 July, 2018

In an attempt at engaging the region’s younger demographic, Victor Harbor has launched a hip new hangout for residents born...

If quarantined, please listen to the other hundred Adelaide Crows podcasts instead of making your own

20 March, 2020

20 March, 2020

As working in isolation and two-week quarantines become commonplace for many South Australians, a high proportion of 20 and 30...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: