23 July, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

Kid who asked for “Leggo” getting a jar of pasta sauce from South Aussie Santa

DAN SCHMIDT

As November begins it means that our department stores and suburban shops are soon to be filled with Santas (actually, are Santas in shops a thing this year? I haven’t checked. Just pretend for the sake of this article they are, okay?).

These Santas (also, what is the correct plural of “Santa”, I keep getting that little red line underneath it. “Santi”, “Santoes”, “Snato”? No, those don’t work either) are usually unemployed for 10 months of the year but remain surprisingly jolly, except for when a kid asks for “Leggo” instead of (the correct) “Lay-go”.

One local Santa is even going to extreme lengths to ensure that South Australian kids keep up our proud State tradition of pronouncing the building block toy correctly, unlike the rest of the world.

‘Oh, I knew what that little girl meant when she asked for some “Leggo”, don’t get me wrong’, said Parabanks Santa Noel Tinselman, but it’s about proving a point’

Ho-ho-ho, it’s pronounced “lay-go”.

SAnta

‘I blame these parents who let their kids watch too much YouTube. I’m telling the real Santa to put Ryan ToysReview on the naughty list for sure. You ever watch that channel? Man, his parents are so damn annoying’.

‘Anyway, I’m getting distracted. Whenever a kid sits on my lap and asks for “Leggo” I reach into my sack, crack open a jar of Passata and dump it all over the kid’s head while shouting “YOU WANT SOME “LEGGOS”?! HOW’S THIS FOR LEGGOS?! IT’S “LAY-GO” YOU LITTLE TURD! LAY-GO-HO-HO!’.

Clearly reading the shocked faces of our reporters, Tinselman backtracked slightly.

‘Well, I’ve done it once. I’m not allowed back at the Magic Cave any more, but most of the smaller local stores don’t call referees, so it’s fine. Also, I prefer to buy San Remo, support local and all that’.

Note: This is not a sponsored post by San Remo, but it totally could be. Just saying.

in Life, News
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