9 April, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Burnside teen reports child abuse after dad refuses to buy her BMW X3

A 16-year-old Burnside girl has resorted to reporting her father to the Department for Child Protection after he refused to buy her a new BMW SUV to learn how to drive.

Abigail Klinger had, at first, raised the topic of the X3 with her father in jest to gauge his reaction. However, the notion had sent Maxwell Klinger into a three-hour long fit of laughter, only breaking to slot in jokes at Abigail’s expense.

The laughing fit culminated in Maxwell suggesting that he had already bought his daughter her first car and that it was a 2003 yellow Chrysler PT Cruiser with factory option flame decals on one side and simulated wooden panelling on the other.

Although Abigail had no idea what her dad was talking about, the idea of driving a car from the year she was born sent her straight to child protection services to report what she considered a cut and dry case of child abuse.

Meanwhile, never one to back down from a joke that nobody understood, Maxwell set out on buying the car that he described to his daughter. However, he soon found that although Chrysler did actually manufacture PT Cruisers with flame decals and others with simulated wood panelling, neither versions were ever imported into the Australian market. Meaning Klinger would have to import the car from the US himself at great expense.

The idea of driving a car from the year she was born sent her straight to child protection services to report what she considered a cut and dry case of child abuse

The father was also informed that Chrysler never produced a car with flame decals on one side and wood panelling on the reverse. An economic decision that struck Klinger as a missed opportunity that explained America’s downfall as a car manufacturing nation.

In keeping with his commitment to the joke, he requested a quote for a custom-made model of the car to be built. However, with production of the PT Cruiser having now ceased for almost a decade, Chrysler’s manufacturing plants were no longer capable of producing such a vehicle. Flame decals or no flame decals.

Deciding that he had already come this far, Maxwell agreed to fund the construction of a new PT Cruiser production plant in Flint, Michigan at a total cost of $300 million US dollars. Considerably more than the $17,000 + on road costs that he had hoped to stump up for his daughter’s first car.

Abigail’s case is being considered.

Related Posts

Penfolds to release limited edition cask Grange

20 December, 2019

20 December, 2019

In an effort to appeal to a wider and less affluent market, Penfolds have taken a new and innovative direction for their...

Nobody really sure if the Red Tins thing is sarcastic or not

27 November, 2018

27 November, 2018

From twenty-somethings happily sharing the same beer with their fathers to bar owners happily off-loading their surplus of West End...

Woman scurries from David Jones building to avoid that hand cream guy

25 November, 2019

25 November, 2019

A Torrensville woman has aborted her first attempt at Christmas shopping for the year after being chased out of the...

Next 8 hours of office chat reserved for ‘that weather last night’

11 July, 2019

11 July, 2019

When the most interesting thing to happen to the typical office employee between the hours of 5pm and 9am is...

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

12 March, 2020

12 March, 2020

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a...

Business on former site of Barnacle Bill is not fooling anyone

22 January, 2020

22 January, 2020

Editor’s note: The most knowledgeable person on all things South Australian (that we know about, at least) Dave Walsh has...

Aspiring Magic Cave Father Christmas will probably settle for Parabanks gig again

26 October, 2018

26 October, 2018

For professional shopping centre Father Christmas Claude St Velcro, it’s become a case of take what you can get. Every...

Now here’s something we don’t mind Victoria stealing from SA

6 November, 2019

6 November, 2019

News has broken on several less reputable news-sites that failed Mayo candidate and novelty cheque aficionado Georgina Downer will be...

OTR’s solution to unhappy customers: Get rid of the angry man button

3 December, 2019

3 December, 2019

Having grown annoyed at the constant stream of customers pushing the ‘angry’ button upon exit, OTR has moved to eliminate...

REVEALED: Chicken Chef actually only qualified as a Kitchenhand

4 November, 2019

4 November, 2019

As part of Adelaide Mail’s “you should know this” investigative journalism article series, where we expose secrets from around South...

OTR pay their staff fairly and we’re writing this of our own free will

11 December, 2019

11 December, 2019

In recent days, you may have seen news about how a group of lawyers are considering launching a class action...

Gran no longer needs to save her dollar coins for “laundry”

27 September, 2019

27 September, 2019

For the past twenty years grandmother Judice Freespins has been known to save every dollar coin she comes across for her...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

North East Road to be 100% service stations by 2026

9 January, 2020

9 January, 2020

With the rise in popularity of X Convenience service stations and OTR’s “they build one, we build two” policy, urban planning experts have revealed that this exponential growth will lead to North East Road becoming entirely lined with service stations by mid-2026.

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: