2 December, 2023

Qualified “Doctor” finally weighs in on Aliir Aliir controversy

TOM STEWART

An eastern suburbs doctor has added his opinion to the growing public controversy over Aliir Aliir’s head knock during Saturday night’s AFL showdown.

The Port star left the field in the second quarter, after a head collision with team mate Lachie Jones, only to return moments later, sparking question about whether Port had correctly followed the league’s own concussion protocols.

The incident has led to much hand wringing and finger pointing from armchair medical experts across South Australia. Not wanting to miss an opportunity for sport related clicks, we asked a real medical expert for their views on the incident.

‘Ken Hinkley says he’s not a doctor, but I certainly am’ said Dr Mal Praktiz, a 47 year old Naturopath from Erindale.

‘I was at the game, and I know what I saw. The man was clearly out, and then all of a sudden he’s back on the field and trying, but mostly failing, to contain Tex Walker. It was a medical miracle’.

When asked if any medical treatment could have affected such a quick recovery, Dr Praktiz said, ‘Well…I shouldn’t be telling you this, it’s not something that big pharma would want us discussing, but I have it on good authority from a few of my doctor friends in the chiropractic space that they may been able to fix him up with a quick neck snap on the bench. You can also cure a grade two concussion with a sprinkle of echinacea under the nose, or a rapid injection of zinc. Again, very hush hush stuff’.

Our reporters are legally required to remind all readers to consult with their GP before injecting anything into their body to cure head trauma, regardless of the advice you receive from a naturopath.

Dr Praktiz’s final take: ‘Acupuncture would could have also done the job, but they wouldn’t have had time for that’.

(Editor’s note: For all you Port Power supporters out there who will get angry at this take, please note this article was written by a Power supporter. So don’t get angry after reading this. Ah, who are we kidding, we all know Port fans can’t read.)

in News, Sport
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