11 December, 2023

Despite their name, these things are pretty shithouse at jumps

Adelaide city has been flooded with hundreds of bright red e-bikes over the past week as Uber “Jump” launched a 12 month trial to see if they could somehow make the Torrens even more polluted.

Immediately tempted by the name of the bikes, our reporters contacted local amateur BMX and Monster Energy Drink enthusiast Nathan Thrills to put them to the test.

After undertaking the 40 minute process of registering, unlocking and wiping urine off the bike, we soon found ourselves at Adelaide Parklands Kurrangga BMX track. Despite promising signs on the beginners track, where Nathan managed to pull a mono past some kids, the “Jump” certainly did not live up to its name on the advanced course.

I barely got any air. Would probably have more luck on a scooter, to be honest.

After falling off several times, the clearly concussed rider had to be rushed to the RAH, where he was once again disappointed that there was no actual “ramp” near the emergency entrance.

Editor’s note: We did not realise this, but those massive bike jumps in the southern parklands are hand-built and maintained by a dedicated crew of volunteers, City Dirt Crew. Well done to these local legends.

Related Posts

“Walk To Work Day” actually fastest commute for city workers using South Road

2 September, 2022

2 September, 2022

With today being national “Walk To Work Day”, many southern suburbs to CBD commuters have found that walking along South...

“Should be fine”, says Year 12 now counting exactly how many hours left to start revising for tomorrow’s exam

6 November, 2023

6 November, 2023

TRENT BARTLETT As Year 12 teachers continue to peddle the lie that students should be starting to wind down their...

Community members begin filling in for teachers as strike takes effect

1 July, 2019

1 July, 2019

In a plot device lifted directly from the golden years of The Simpsons, unqualified members from the community have begun...

Another bloody comedian writes “I thought this was supposed to be satire” on Adelaide Mail post

17 September, 2020

17 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT He’s done it again! Everyone loves it when Rob chimes in on a conversation with one of his...

Entire city somehow surprised by annual road closures again

26 February, 2019

26 February, 2019

Despite a predictable schedule of annual road closures preceded by road signs forewarning motorists weeks in advance, the entire population...

“Never drink Coopers again? I didn’t say that.” says man who definitely said that

3 January, 2019

3 January, 2019

MATTHEW DEVITT In an astonishing reverse of his staunch moral standing, Ascot Park man David Baker has come under scrutiny...

Norwood cafe Argo to begin taking bookings for those who just want to line up

24 October, 2018

24 October, 2018

In a move described by industry experts as ‘revolutionary’, the popular eastern suburbs brunch spot Argo is to begin taking...

Neo-nazis get wires crossed, end up at St Kilda Adventure Playground

6 January, 2019

6 January, 2019

When Salisbury’s resident neo-nazis Morgan Dolkhatch and Barry “Knuckles” Mudflap found out about an upcoming rally of right wing extremists...

Disgraced Prince Sent on Retreat to Andrews Farm

19 November, 2019

19 November, 2019

In a move as ill-conceived as allowing Prince Andrew to give the BBC an interview about his relationship with disgraced...

Dangerfield tells tribunal Crows showed him “No Respect, No Respect At All”

23 March, 2021

23 March, 2021

As news breaks that Geelong Cats star Patrick Dangerfield will miss three AFL games for a careless hit on Adelaide’s...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

“SA wind farms to blame for Murray-Darling crisis, probably” – Morrison

14 January, 2019

14 January, 2019

Stand-in Prime Minister Scott Morrison has lobbed the political football squarely toward South Australia’s wind farms for the growing Murray-Darling...

Advertiser censors front page advertisement

21 October, 2019

21 October, 2019

Putting up a united front against secrecy and journalistic censorship, South Australia’s leading satirical news service has joined multiple papers...

Single guy reckons going to Urrbrae qualifies him for ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’

19 August, 2019

19 August, 2019

Local bachelor, avid vaper, and Urrbrae dropout Nick Telecom has been looking for love for some time now, he told...

Comments

Leave a Reply