21 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Keith Conlon announced as new drummer for I Killed The Prom Queen

In a bold new move by Adelaide’s metalcore kings I Killed The Prom Queen, the announcement of veteran radio broadcaster and Postcards host Keith “Conlon has come as a shock to many, but not the man himself.

‘Yes, traditionally I have dabbled in jazz’, said Keith ‘but I’ve always been a metalhead at heart. I frequently wanted to spin some Parkway Drive or Pantera when I was on 5AA breakfast, but Jane Reilly wouldn’t let me’.

As soon as I got the call-up I rushed out and got some full sleeve tattoos done

I Killed The Prom Queen guitarist Jona Weinhofen stated that he knows Keith will be a perfect fit for the band. ‘I saw him doing some jazz drumming on the rotunda pageant float one year, and I just knew that this badass could really throwdown for us. Just have to change the drum brushes for sticks and get him a double-kick pedal and we’ll be set’.

Keith is reportedly overjoyed at the invite to join the band, and intends to fully embrace the melodic metalcore look. ‘As soon as I got the call-up I rushed out and got some full sleeve tattoos done, I started running out of ideas of what to get by the time they got to my left forearm, so I guess I’m stuck with this Jon Blake portrait until I can think of a cover up’.

Related Posts

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

Stobie pole “probably a Banksy” says Croydon mum

8 November, 2018

8 November, 2018

Fiona Foarzenshore fancies her home suburb of Croydon as something of a cultural hub in Adelaide’s inner west, and has...

Decade old Puratap filter probably fine

22 April, 2020

22 April, 2020

When Darren* and Amelia* (names changed to maintain anonymity) purchased their St. Clair property in 2010, little did they know...

The real puzzle is how nobody died

6 August, 2019

6 August, 2019

What was once South Australia’s answer to Disneyland, the theme-park and scrap-metal haven of Puzzle Park now sadly remains abandoned...

Outrage as advertising projected on to Adelaide’s most famous cultural landmark

9 October, 2018

9 October, 2018

The iconic brick façade of Adelaide’s West End Brewery will be used to advertise a party supplies shop after SA premier Stephen...

Windy Point actually pronounced “Wine-dee” point because of the winding route to get there

15 November, 2019

15 November, 2019

Windy Point – You’re all saying it wrong! It turns out that we’ve all been saying the name of Adelaide’s...

Mall’s Balls beginning to sag with age

6 August, 2018

6 August, 2018

Since 1977 they have proudly been on display for all to see, but it appears time is catching up the...

South Australian unreasonably smug watching Queenslanders lose their minds over plastic bag ban

5 July, 2018

5 July, 2018

Sometimes you just have to rub your hands together and look on with glee at the failures of those other,...

Tensions escalate as Hamas mistakenly bombs Gaza Footy Club

29 January, 2020

29 January, 2020

A north-eastern Adelaide football club has been mistakenly drawn into a long-running Middle Eastern conflict solely because their name is...

Netflix to release Last Dance sequel about another team’s 97-98 former glory

17 May, 2020

17 May, 2020

As ‘The Last Dance’ documentary series about the 1997-1998 Chicago Bulls wraps up, Netflix has announced another series will be...

What the hell is East Terrace’s deal, anyway?

29 July, 2019

29 July, 2019

For all the plaudits paid to South Australia’s most famous drawer of grids Colonel William Light, nobody has ever bothered...

State Liberals sign sponsorship deal with Dulux in attempt to whitewash their reputation

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

With their reputation already facing questions thanks to former Liberal MP Sam ‘Wandering Hands’ Duluk, the South Australian Liberal Party...

South Australian corrects interstate friend on her pronunciation again

19 February, 2019

19 February, 2019

In what is fast becoming a deal-breaker amongst new Victorian friends and colleagues of South Australian Shelly Fischer, the freshly-migrated...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: