31 March, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s College, according to reports.

Witnesses report that 55-year-old Mitcham man Connor Mandingthwaite was in queue to pay for petrol when an old friend approached him.

‘This bloke came up to him’, reports witness Codge Yafeelut, ‘I could have sworn it was his twin brother. You know, they both had their Country Road jumpers on. They were both on the phone talking about how much they despise the people that rent their houses. Oh, and they were both trying to get to the front of the line by telling people who their fathers were’.

Mandingthwaite reportedly grew red in the face from yelling, eventually passing out on the servo’s floor from anger at the sheer audacity of the suggestion

‘Anyway this bloke came up to him’, continues Yafeelut, ‘and starts saying how they knew each other from somewhere. He starts listing off possible places that they could have met. Liberal Party convention, Young Liberal Party convention, Annual Puffer Vest Wearers’ convention. But when he mentioned St Peter’s College, well, he just blew up’.

Mandingthwaite reportedly grew red in the face from yelling, eventually passing out on the servo’s floor from anger at the sheer audacity of the suggestion, I mean, come on, how many Australian cricket captains has Saints produced?

Luckily, Mandingthwaite regained consciousness before OTR management enacted a company-wide policy to compulsorily acquire any object — living or otherwise — that remains within twenty metres of an OTR for more than four consecutive hours.

The Adelaide Mail approached Mandingthwaite for comment. Not to verify any details we just wanted to see what would happen when we asserted that he went to a variety of Adelaide private schools that aren’t PAC. – Recommended 5/5

in Life, News
Related Posts

“Yeah that counts as a bath” says dad who has clearly given up for the year

22 December, 2019

22 December, 2019

In what was initially meant to just be letting the kids “dip their feet in” the water play area of...

MIRACLE: PM somehow manages to make our Premier seem like a good leader

6 January, 2020

6 January, 2020

In perhaps his finest achievement of his Prime Ministership to-date, Scott Morrison has pulled off a selfless miracle, sacrificing his...

Disgraced Prince Sent on Retreat to Andrews Farm

19 November, 2019

19 November, 2019

In a move as ill-conceived as allowing Prince Andrew to give the BBC an interview about his relationship with disgraced...

Casual Crows fan unsure if he’s supposed to love or hate Tex this week

3 June, 2019

3 June, 2019

With his form flip-flopping since the 2017 AFL Grand Final, Adelaide co-captain Taylor Walker has been the cause of much...

South Australia officially changing State slogan to “So what High School did you go to?”

17 September, 2018

17 September, 2018

Since discontinuing “The Festival State”, the South Australian Slogan Association (SASA) has decided on a new official state slogan after...

Dad starts saving good Pageant spot now

24 October, 2019

24 October, 2019

With less than three weeks until the 2019 Christmas Pageant kicks off, father of three, Doug Float, is dedicated to...

Man hailed as genius for finding secret express route from City to TTP

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Victorian motorist Ransack Platoon has been labelled as a genius by motoring groups after discovering a shortcut that could spell...

Rail shutdown somehow leads to more punctual tram and train services

21 August, 2019

21 August, 2019

With commuter rail services shut down over two days in order to let transport workers attend mandatory meetings, Adelaide commuters...

New RAH carpark awarded Adelaide’s most challenging escape room

18 January, 2019

18 January, 2019

Escape rooms have rapidly become all the rage with teenagers, lame corporate offices, and small groups of weird tight-knit friends...

Top two levels “still as exciting as ever” say Myer Centre management

12 April, 2019

12 April, 2019

In a bid to entice more people into an ageing, largely vacant shopping centre, the management of the Myer Centre...

Pray for Kane: Cornes forced to scrap next six months of story ideas

4 September, 2019

4 September, 2019

Kane Cornes’s media career has been thrown into disarray after Adelaide Crows co-captain Taylor Walker announced that he will be...

Cyberbullying teens never okay…unless it’s Caleb Bond and it’s really funny

18 March, 2019

18 March, 2019

Cyberbullying is a cowardly act, which can be particularly harmful when aimed at teens. However, in the wake of anti-bullying...

Bowden plant sale customer will definitely keep them alive this time

6 May, 2019

6 May, 2019

Serial houseplant murderer Juniper Cortisol may have a track record in buying and subsequently killing all of her previous houseplants,...

Mental health advocate lodges complaint over use of ‘Mad March’

5 March, 2019

5 March, 2019

In an unsurprising turn of events, a university academic with too much time on his hands over the summer break...

SA Water announce new Adelaide theme park ‘Burst Water Main World’

8 August, 2019

8 August, 2019

In an attempt to diversify revenue streams ahead of its probable privatisation, SA Water has revealed plans to open its...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: