27 January, 2021 South Australia's other fake news source

PAC old scholar furious at suggestion he went to Saints

An enraged former student of Adelaide’s prestigious Prince Alfred College has slammed suggestions that he attended the equally-esteemed St Peter’s College, according to reports.

Witnesses report that 55-year-old Mitcham man Connor Mandingthwaite was in queue to pay for petrol when an old friend approached him.

‘This bloke came up to him’, reports witness Codge Yafeelut, ‘I could have sworn it was his twin brother. You know, they both had their Country Road jumpers on. They were both on the phone talking about how much they despise the people that rent their houses. Oh, and they were both trying to get to the front of the line by telling people who their fathers were’.

Mandingthwaite reportedly grew red in the face from yelling, eventually passing out on the servo’s floor from anger at the sheer audacity of the suggestion

‘Anyway this bloke came up to him’, continues Yafeelut, ‘and starts saying how they knew each other from somewhere. He starts listing off possible places that they could have met. Liberal Party convention, Young Liberal Party convention, Annual Puffer Vest Wearers’ convention. But when he mentioned St Peter’s College, well, he just blew up’.

Mandingthwaite reportedly grew red in the face from yelling, eventually passing out on the servo’s floor from anger at the sheer audacity of the suggestion, I mean, come on, how many Australian cricket captains has Saints produced?

Luckily, Mandingthwaite regained consciousness before OTR management enacted a company-wide policy to compulsorily acquire any object — living or otherwise — that remains within twenty metres of an OTR for more than four consecutive hours.

The Adelaide Mail approached Mandingthwaite for comment. Not to verify any details we just wanted to see what would happen when we asserted that he went to a variety of Adelaide private schools that aren’t PAC. – Recommended 5/5

in Life, News
Related Posts

Port Elliot millennials start petition to change name of Boomer Beach

22 November, 2019

22 November, 2019

Undertaking the ultimate form of slacktivism, Port Elliot’s entire millennial population (a total of sixteen residents) have started an online...

Interstate comedian tries his hand at some groundbreaking Snowtown jokes

17 January, 2020

17 January, 2020

A Victorian comedian whose only knowledge of South Australia comes through Kane Cornes’s Twitter spats, stories from an uncle who...

You WON’T BELIEVE what Kane Cornes said on SEN 1629AM! Mainly because of all the static

11 December, 2020

11 December, 2020

He’s done it again, folks. South Australia’s king of controversy and 2020’s Best and Fairest Servo Sandwich Hawker has made...

Local pisshead really enjoying this ‘Dry July’ so far

3 July, 2019

3 July, 2019

Regency Park resident and drunkard Al Koholic has had a fantastic, albeit technically wrong, start to the popular ‘Dry July’ campaign. ‘When...

Disgraced Prince Sent on Retreat to Andrews Farm

19 November, 2019

19 November, 2019

In a move as ill-conceived as allowing Prince Andrew to give the BBC an interview about his relationship with disgraced...

OTR already putting up signage on North East Road Holden dealership

26 February, 2020

26 February, 2020

With the news of Holden exiting the Australian market breaking, our petroleum and tobacco overlords have decided that they may...

Griffins Hotel to start opening up for THREE hours a month to keep up with massive demand spike

7 September, 2020

7 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT It’s the hub of Adelaide nightlife around the north-eastern side of Hindmarsh Square. The Griffins Hotel is the...

Stirling stoner claims local chemist name is misleading

3 February, 2020

3 February, 2020

An Adelaide Hills stay-at-home adult daughter and Oreos connoisseur Chakra Vortwenti is claiming that the name of her local pharmacy...

New SA tourism campaign just a 5 day live stream of weeping widow

2 September, 2019

2 September, 2019

South Australia’s tourism commission has unveiled a new marketing concept that is equal parts depressing and long, the two key...

Peter Van the Party Man really just wants a quiet night in with the kids

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

It’s been over thirty years of non-stop debauchery for Goodwood Road’s most-famous party man Peter Van, but his days of...

Spike in northern suburbs weddings ahead of Bali extramarital sex ban

22 September, 2019

22 September, 2019

The looming introduction of a new Indonesian law prohibiting extramarital sex and unmarried couples living together has seen a huge...

Single guy reckons going to Urrbrae qualifies him for ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’

19 August, 2019

19 August, 2019

Local bachelor, avid vaper, and Urrbrae dropout Nick Telecom has been looking for love for some time now, he told...

Township of Gawler produces another tradie

20 June, 2019

20 June, 2019

After committing hundreds of man-hours and thousands of dollars to a town-wide search, the northern Adelaide township of Gawler has...

Crows ruckman’s phone breaks, accidentally likes a bunch of transphobic and anti-BLM tweets

9 July, 2020

9 July, 2020

Adelaide Crows ruckman Reilly O’Brien’s had an absolute mare. Wouldn’t you know it, his bloody iPhone 8 carked it, then...

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: