26 January, 2023

Tea Tree Gully Christmas Decorations Spread Christmas Cheer and Chilling Nightmares

DAN SCHMIDT

As decorations have begun to adorn the streets of Adelaide, one display is certainly causing much more discussion (and possibly trauma) than others.

The dozen or so Perseverance Road models in Tea Tree Gully, standing near seven feet tall each watch over motorists and pedestrians with their lifeless faces. Whilst collectively they display a message of Christmas hope, individually each seem much more ominous.

Proudly assembled and displayed by the local church as a seasonal gesture (or perhaps, but much less likely, a very weird tribute to Bob Dylan’s Subterranean Homesick Blues), it seems that the larger than life mannequins are getting the message across.

‘We’re just encouraging people to understand and think about the true meaning of Christmas’ Church spokesperson, Chris Chun, told Adelaide Mail reporters who had just been kicked out of The Gully Front Bar at 11 on a Wednesday morning.

‘I think it’s working. I’ve already heard at least ten people cry out “JESUS!” or “MY GOD!” as they walked by them. It’s good to see the local community remembering what this season is all about’.

Whilst clearly done with the best of intentions, we asked Chris if he thought the decorations may be a little frightening to some.

‘Oh, c’mon, they’re just dummies’, Chris said ‘One of them is even holding a sign saying “Don’t Be Afraid”, is this what something you should be afraid of would say? Of course not’.

‘Rest assured, and I cannot stress this enough. They’re definitely not going to come to life each night, teleport into your house while you sleep, suck out your soul through your nose and then peck out your eyes as a punishment for all the sins you’ve committed this year. That’s for sure, I’m just saying’.

Whilst his comments were oddly specific ,we thought it was best not to ask any more questions and book a spot in the pew for Sunday morning.

(Note: An honest thanks to the Tea Tree Gully Anglican Church for brightening up our community, sorry we made fun of your things. And an even bigger thanks to the wonderful Amanda for thinking of this story, so send your complaints to her.)

in Life, News
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