Depressingly unaffordable house prices “great news” says newspaper with majority stake in real estate ad group

TRENT BARTLETT

South Aussies are being told to thank the housing lord for his blessed bounty as Adelaide chalks up another record increase in housing prices.

While some lazy and clearly unemployable types are calling the boom in profits a “housing crisis”, satirical newspaper The Advertiser knows better than to chop down tall poppies who worked hard to pay off their $17,000 mortgage between 1985 and 1986.

‘It’s only good news, the higher the prices go,’ Property Editor and Unqualified Macroeconomics Enthusiast Rigby Wafflecone told Adelaide Mail. ‘It’s simple economics, the more housing prices go up, the richer everyone gets. Good news for all!

‘We’re here for the three pillars of society, Battlers, Boomers and Bankers’.

We asked Wafflecone to clarify what he meant by “Battlers”, he told us ‘when we talk about “Battlers” we we’re talking about Boomers with no more than seven investment properties. Just those salt of the earth people who pull up their bootstraps and work hard to put rents up’.