A local conservative right-leaning father who firmly believes the Australian Broadcasting Corporation is the “Woke propaganda arm of the Greens political party” and a “Waste of taxpayer money” has nonetheless maintained a near perfect viewing record for the 7pm ABC News South Australia broadcast for the past four years.
Rye Twing, 61 of Golden Grove, insists his nightly ritual is a grim but necessary duty to “Keep an eye on what lies the loony left is cooking up.” However, his family has noted his strong commitment to holding the broadcaster accountable conveniently coincides with Jessica Harmsen’s presenting roster.
‘Oh, quick, the bloody ABC news is on again!’ Rye said while dramatically rushing to find the TV remote last Tuesday at 6:58pm.
‘Is Carol in bed with her book yet? Good. Right, let’s see what bullshit they’re pushing tonight. Probably something about bloody solar powered gender-neutral dunnies for unemployed illegal Aboriginal immigrants’ Rye grumbled, covering a wide ground of Facebook Boomer Brain Rot in one sentence, even for him.
But as the familiar opening theme played and anchor Jessica Harmsen appeared on screen, Rye suddenly appeared filled with a serene calm. His usual stream of complaints about media bias was suddenly replaced with comments like “That’s a nice shade of blue she’s wearing” and “At least they don’t have ads”.
Rye’s son, Lev, confirmed the nightly spectacle. ‘Last week there was a segment on a small funding boost for local arts, and I thought his head was going to explode. He was muttering “Let them get real jobs!” But did he turn it off? Of course not’.
When confronted with the theory that his dedication to the 7pm ABC news might be influenced by factors other than journalistic opposition, Rye was dismissive.
‘What? Don’t be ridiculous!’ he scoffed, refusing to make eye contact ‘It’s my duty as a taxpayer to make sure they’re doing their job properly. I’m paying for this, you know! Waste of taxpayers money’ said the retired man who is on a government pension and regularly claims inflated losses on his negatively geared investment property.
‘I don’t like it, but someone has to do it!’
‘I much prefer Sky News. They have that Alex Antic bloke on there sometimes. Now he’s a smart man, focused on the big issues that really matter to real Aussies, like how they tried to change the name of an ice cream, or how a local council somewhere had a sign saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, or how a tiny fraction of the population that will have literally no impact on me wants to identify. Yep, the big issues that definitely matter’.
‘Now, be quiet. She’s about to do the weather preview’.
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