25 May, 2022

Apparently Di from Modbury thinks that shops are only allowed to have one employee each

TRENT BARTLETT

Whenever the state government finds a renewed focus on shop trading hours, it can mean one of two things. Either: details of another front-bencher’s taxpayer-funded regional travel are about to become public or Rob Lucas has found his Ayn Rand books again.

But irrespective of the state government’s latest presumed distraction piece/love letter to the free market, there is at least one South Australian who will not be voting for relaxed shop trading hour regulations if the bill makes it to a referendum.

Dishwasher insurer Di Kelso took to the Facebook comments section of satirical radio station FIVEaa to share her distaste at the proposed deregulation of shop trading hours.

‘This is ridiculous,’ wrote Kelso with a surprisingly high amount of spelling and grammar accuracy. ‘When are the shop worker’s supposed to have timeoff!’ continued the comment, balancing out her earlier adherence to the so-called “rules” of the English language.

The Adelaide Mail caught up with Ms Kelso in between her busy schedule of commenting on Advertiser articles, commenting on FIVEaa articles and calling SAFM to complain about a segment she heard on Kyle & Jackie O nine years ago.

‘It’s political correctness gone mad,’ she told us before we had even introduced ourselves, or indeed any topic of conversation. ‘They won’t even let you buy a house in this country now without a mask, unless you Chinese, of course.’

‘But that’s what they want to do with the trading hours,’ continued Kelso, seeming to course-correct herself. ‘Keep us working all the time so we don’t know about the paedophile ring…’

We tried to stop her from saying anything else before her ramblings landed us in trouble with whatever media body regulates satirical news sites. But we couldn’t get a word in edgeways between her monologue.

Some of the more junior members of our office argued that if we simply refused to print what she said it would save us the ethical headaches. While others pointed out that Di Kelso was nothing more than a fictional character we created, the dialogue of whom we had complete control over. All of those people were swiftly made “redundant” from the Adelaide Mail newsroom.

Related Posts

SEN raids Adelaide Mail’s discarded joke cupboard, steals idea for range of Kane Cornes merchandise

9 November, 2021

9 November, 2021

TRENT BARTLETT Winners of Australia’s Narrowest Broadcast Area Award two years running, SEN SA have released their very own range...

Fun Fact: TTP actually stands for ‘That Terrible Place’

21 August, 2020

21 August, 2020

“WhY iS tHe rEtAiL sEcToR fAiLiNg?”: It is a little known fact that the north-eastern shopping centre was initially named...

Crows fans oddly supportive of cancellation of AFL season

16 March, 2020

16 March, 2020

Crows fans are throwing their support behind the permanent cancellation of AFL matches as a precaution to the growing threat...

Glam Adelaide intern fired for only reposting Southport Beach stairs six times in a week

31 August, 2020

31 August, 2020

A social media intern at South Australia’s home of lifestyle news and filtered drone photos, Glam Adelaide, has been let...

MPs really confused around sudden interest in their ICA Competition

4 September, 2020

4 September, 2020

South Australian MPs have remained tight lipped around a current ICAC (Indoor Cricket Association Competition) investigation. Not because they have...

Salisbury mum returns to OTR to buy carton of ciggies with wheelbarrow full of shrapnel

5 January, 2019

5 January, 2019

After reportedly being denied being able to buy milk and bread with a few fifty cents pieces, the single mother...

Two die, one completes entire med degree queuing at Pt Elliot bakery

30 April, 2019

30 April, 2019

For the third time in as many years, wait times at a popular bakery in south coast retirement village Port...

Report: Albert Bensimon actually enjoyed a little bit of hoo-ha

19 December, 2018

19 December, 2018

MATTHEW DEVITT Despite his self-anointed reputation as a serious, no-nonsense jewellery magnate, the Adelaide Mail can finally reveal that Albert...

ShitAdelaide changes name to MAFSadelaide

8 April, 2019

8 April, 2019

Originally a source of general ridicule at the expense of Adelaide’s drunk and poor, the mysterious owners behind Instagram account...

CBD skateboarders disappointed at lack of actual ramp outside RAH

9 November, 2018

9 November, 2018

Dozens of skateboarders gathered outside the Royal Adelaide Hospital Emergency Department yesterday as news spread about a new ramp near...

OTR’s solution to unhappy customers: Get rid of the angry man button

3 December, 2019

3 December, 2019 1

Having grown annoyed at the constant stream of customers pushing the ‘angry’ button upon exit, OTR has moved to eliminate...

PSA: Victorians reminded to make their highly original jokes about Adelaide before midnight tonight

21 November, 2020

21 November, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Victorians are being reminded that the opportunity to make their scintillatingly witty observations about the South Australian capital...

Clever motorist shaves hour off commute by simply avoiding South Road and also quitting job

26 October, 2020

26 October, 2020

LIFE HACK: There’s an old saying that goes “Don’t hate the player, hate the game and also hate South Road...

SA leads nation in problem drinkers masked as wine connoisseurs

25 October, 2019

25 October, 2019

In yet another example of South Australia leading its counterparts in important lifestyle statistics, a new study has revealed that...

Even 1079 Life FM hosts cringe at some of the Christian songs they have to play

6 March, 2022

6 March, 2022

Adelaide’s family friendly easy-listening radio station has long been known for the playing the latest inoffensive pop tunes, subtle messaging,...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: