30 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Younger Cousin desperate to tell entire family what he heard ‘AB’ stands for

As three generations Fischenchipz family gathered at the grandparent’s North Adelaide residence for their monthly family dinner night, discussion quickly turned to what was on the takeaway menu this evening.

As his mum read the Blue & White Cafe menu from Zomato, 13 year old Eaton quickly jumped in with ‘I know what I’m getting!’ as his mother did her best to ignore him. But as she neared the tail end of the menu, her efforts became more vain.

‘Yep mum, I’ll get that! The AB! Do you guys know what that is? Hey grandma, do you know why they call the AB that?’ Eaton continued to pipe on.

Father Fischenchipz quickly interjected ‘What kind of burgers do they have there again honey?’ to divert the families attention, which only seemed to make Eaton more determined and louder.

‘Have you had one before Grandad? You know the chips and the Yiros meat with lots of sauce on top? You have?! Yeah, that’s an AB. They call it that because it looks like an a-’

Hey grandma, do you know why they call the AB that?

‘Eaton! Calm down or you’ll get nothing and like it!’ finished mother Fischenchipz with one of her obscure Caddyshack references, which the children always know is the last warning.

As the food ordered and the family settled down, mum continued to keep Eaton quiet by continually deferring his efforts by stating her steak sandwich ‘still has marks where the jockey was hitting it’ and saying they should ‘tell the cook this is low-grade dog food’ with a spot-on Rodney Dangerfield impersonation.

Eaton threw up on the ride home, as mum was loudly blasting Journey’s hit “Any way you want it”.

Editor’s note: Thanks to Nick for this headline concept, he runs a podcast about the Simpsons.

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