26 October, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

‘AFL players will struggle to pay for second story on Queensland holiday homes’ – Brad Crouch

Star Adelaide Crow player Brad Crouch has told Adelaide Mail that some players would ‘struggle to pay for their second story extensions on their Queensland holiday homes,’ should the AFL decide to cut players’ salaries.

With a league-wide shutdown in the face of the ‘rona, as we refuse to call it, Crouch and his fellow players are seeking to limit salary cut to 50 per cent. Or about $185,000 for the average AFL player.

Do you really expect players like Dusty to be able to live off a thousand bucks a day? How? By not gambling? We have rights, you know!

‘I worry for the future, not just for me but for all the players around the league,’ Crouch told Adelaide Mail while reclining on a couch made out of African Black Rhino leather while a maid pours 2010 Hill Of Grace into his mouth from an Argyle Library Egg.

‘We’re all making sacrifices, I get it. My morning wine is usually a ’98 Grange from a Faberge egg, so, already, you can see times are not quite the same.’

‘But what the AFL is asking is us to do is, quite simply, unfair. Do you really expect players like Dusty to be able to live off a thousand bucks a day? How? By not gambling? We have rights, you know!’

‘All we ask…and we’ve done all the maths actually, it works out…all we ask is that instead of cutting players’ salaries by half simply because we’re not playing or training, clubs let go of all the support staff, administration staff, coaching staff, physios and doctors. The game is about the players, after all.’

Related Posts

Sign at Ingle Farm Shopping Centre explains a lot about North Eastern suburbs fashion

6 February, 2020

6 February, 2020

A sign proclaiming Ingle Farm Shopping Centre to be ‘your local place for fashion’ has been found to offer an...

Urgent health alert issued for anybody who visited PJ’s on a Thursday in the mid-2000s

4 August, 2020

4 August, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT People who visited an Irish-themed Adelaide city pub on a Thursday night after 9pm in the mid-2000s are...

We’re not convinced Kingswood is a real suburb either

10 July, 2018

10 July, 2018

While we’d be the first to admit that we’ve not looked into this too closely, we’re just not ready to...

UniSA mature-aged student puts hand up again

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

eaking: 12 students from UniSA’s Magill campus are believed to have spent the last seven hours locked in a tutorial room after their course’s resident mature-aged student began raising her hand to quiz her tutor on a raft of trivial questions.

Ceduna resident extremely angry about Adelaide Park Lands development

9 April, 2019

9 April, 2019

Murat Thevenard of Ceduna is your average consumer of South Australia’s satirical newspaper, The Advertiser, he gets it delivered to...

Redlegs ‘fan’ disappointed at first game he’s watched since 2014

24 September, 2018

24 September, 2018

Attending the SANFL grand final yesterday, self proclaimed ‘die-hard fan’, Simon Pleb of Burnside, was brimming with confidence. ‘It’s nice...

Don Pyke keen to sign Brodie Grundy to warm the bench in SANFL

27 May, 2019

27 May, 2019

With star Collingwood ruckman Brodie Grundy out of contract at the end of 2020, Adelaide Crows coach Don Pyke is...

We take a look back at ‘Crow Milk’ and the diabetes epidemic it caused

2 December, 2019

2 December, 2019

In the wake of current local flavoured milk wars, let’s take a moment to remember a simpler time in South...

Breaking: PAC old scholar forgets to write ‘PAC’ in Tinder bio

5 February, 2019

5 February, 2019

In a devastating oversight that is already proving costly to his romantic chances ahead of Valentine’s Day, Sebastian Anglosaxon has...

“Stop all these bloody Adelaide city highrises” says Willunga resident

1 August, 2018

1 August, 2018

Gerald Manser, 62, of Willunga has had enough of CBD development. On his yearly trip to the city for a...

14 year old comedic genius invents the nickname “Colon Aids”

19 March, 2020

19 March, 2020

A Hackham West teenager has taken Adelaide’s southern suburbs by storm after creating a hilarious crude nickname for Colonnades shopping...

Single guy reckons going to Urrbrae qualifies him for ‘Farmer Wants a Wife’

19 August, 2019

19 August, 2019

Local bachelor, avid vaper, and Urrbrae dropout Nick Telecom has been looking for love for some time now, he told...

Dad unnecessarily angry about how safe St. Kilda Playground is these days

11 June, 2020

11 June, 2020

Tired of enclosed trampolines, anti-bullying campaigns and gluten intolerances, distant father of six Darren Dedbeit decided to take the kids...

Ingle Farm bachelor applies for ‘Farmer wants a wife’

8 February, 2019

8 February, 2019

Tired of the local dating scene and not being able to find a girl who will settle down, or even...

Another bloody comedian writes “I thought this was supposed to be satire” on Adelaide Mail post

17 September, 2020

17 September, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT He’s done it again! Everyone loves it when Rob chimes in on a conversation with one of his...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: