5 December, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Adelaide Crows external review results revealed: Shit’s fucked

The Adelaide Football Club have revealed the results of a six week-long, in-depth external review of both its on and off-field operations over the 2019 AFL season. The Adelaide Mail is now able to reveal the results in their entirety:

“Adelaide Football Club: 2019 Operational Review

Conducted by J. Dunstall, Dr. T. Gabbett, J. Oliver & M. Pavlich

Findings: Shit’s fucked

Review ends”

The two-syllable-long findings were sent via text message to Crows’ Chairman Rob Chapman in the early hours of this morning as the four men responsible for the review’s oversight headed straight to the airport.

The fallout from the review is already said to have begun with the club’s Head of Football Brett Burton and Senior Assistant Coach Scott Camporeale packing their bags.

Chapman revealed: ‘When they said “shit’s fucked” we knew they were talking about Burton and Campo. It’s a relief, really. I was chatting with Roo just yesterday and we were a bit worried that the review might reveal something we didn’t already know. That would have been worst case scenario, obviously’.

‘But it’s good to get the tick of approval from the review. We’ve made the suggested changes and now it’s time to get back to business. Oh, and to get a coach, which is good timing because I just heard that Roo’s brother is looking for a job’.

in News, Sport
Related Posts

Old mate looking for roast buffet ends up at new CBD hospital

30 January, 2020

30 January, 2020

An event that can only be described as “not newsworthy at all” (even for Adelaide Mail standards) occured in the...

Victor Harbor shops sell out of loaves of bread and sunscreen for some reason

24 November, 2018

24 November, 2018

In a bizarre, localised spike in demand not seen in over eleven months, Victor Harbor shops are quickly selling out...

Gays Arcade forced to change name after experts confirm it’s more of a mall

12 July, 2019

12 July, 2019

The LGBTQIA community (Laneway, Galleria, Business, Trader, Quickie-Mart, Independent retailer, and Arcade) are rejoicing as experts have changed the name...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

Fullarton Road servo sells out of these sunnies for some reason

1 March, 2019

1 March, 2019

In what has been described by economists as an unpredicted and alarming spike in demand, a Fullarton Road service station...

Fewer baby girls being named ‘Elizabeth’ in South Australia compared to other states for unknown reason

30 May, 2018

30 May, 2018

Researchers for the University of Adelaide are completely baffled at the newly discovered abnormality of fewer females bearing the name...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

‘You can’t pay off COVID fines using free drink cards’, Zhivago owners told

20 July, 2020

20 July, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT After copping thousands of dollars in fines for breaking COVID-19 restrictions, the owners of Zhivago have been told...

Burnside girl with SACA membership actually spends 20 minutes watching the cricket

6 December, 2018

6 December, 2018

The Adelaide test match is renowned for its festive atmosphere, beautiful scenery and the heritage ground, but for many the...

Power fan really hopes those photos from 1993 never resurface

16 October, 2020

16 October, 2020

1993, it was a simpler time. No social media, you could still smoke on public transport (well you weren’t meant...

Peter Van the Party Man really just wants a quiet night in with the kids

13 September, 2018

13 September, 2018

It’s been over thirty years of non-stop debauchery for Goodwood Road’s most-famous party man Peter Van, but his days of...

Bloke who spent $900 on Home Lottery tickets very satisfied with his $75 Heatworks gift card

28 September, 2018

28 September, 2018

Troy Simons of Rosewater, lives by the old adage ‘you gotta’ be in it to win it’, and ‘win it’...

Friend from Barossa corrects our pronunciation of ‘Tempranillo’ again

8 January, 2019

8 January, 2019

When Gerrand Deghard moved to Angaston in the Barossa Valley two months ago, he had never had a glass of...

Richmond Road mural fined for deceptive and confusing advertising of state

23 February, 2020

23 February, 2020

A Mile End South mural emblazoned with the boastful phrase “South Australia leads the world” has been punished for displaying...

All South Australian citizens are legally entitled to a portrait of Johnny Haysman

13 August, 2018

13 August, 2018

Johnny Haysman is arguably the most loved person in South Australia, if not the world. It’s said that he owns...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: