20 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Adelaide Crows external review results revealed: Shit’s fucked

The Adelaide Football Club have revealed the results of a six week-long, in-depth external review of both its on and off-field operations over the 2019 AFL season. The Adelaide Mail is now able to reveal the results in their entirety:

“Adelaide Football Club: 2019 Operational Review

Conducted by J. Dunstall, Dr. T. Gabbett, J. Oliver & M. Pavlich

Findings: Shit’s fucked

Review ends”

The two-syllable-long findings were sent via text message to Crows’ Chairman Rob Chapman in the early hours of this morning as the four men responsible for the review’s oversight headed straight to the airport.

The fallout from the review is already said to have begun with the club’s Head of Football Brett Burton and Senior Assistant Coach Scott Camporeale packing their bags.

Chapman revealed: ‘When they said “shit’s fucked” we knew they were talking about Burton and Campo. It’s a relief, really. I was chatting with Roo just yesterday and we were a bit worried that the review might reveal something we didn’t already know. That would have been worst case scenario, obviously’.

‘But it’s good to get the tick of approval from the review. We’ve made the suggested changes and now it’s time to get back to business. Oh, and to get a coach, which is good timing because I just heard that Roo’s brother is looking for a job’.

in News, Sport
Related Posts

Man hailed as genius for finding secret express route from City to TTP

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Victorian motorist Ransack Platoon has been labelled as a genius by motoring groups after discovering a shortcut that could spell...

Wayne Weidemann’s glorious mullet immortalised in bronze statue

11 September, 2019

11 September, 2019

Never a city to be outdone by Melbourne, today Adelaide unveiled it’s very own bronze statue in response to Tayla...

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

International musician moves back to Adelaide to start boutique counterfeit winery

20 August, 2019

20 August, 2019

Rumours have it that US singer-songwriter and previous Adelaide resident Ben Folds is heading back to South Australia for a...

Most psychological problems in SA’s millennials able to be traced back to one TV show

19 August, 2020

19 August, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT New research has revealed the vast majority of South Australian under-40s’ psychological issues can be traced back to...

“Stop all these bloody Adelaide city highrises” says Willunga resident

1 August, 2018

1 August, 2018

Gerald Manser, 62, of Willunga has had enough of CBD development. On his yearly trip to the city for a...

Councillor Anne Moran proposes demolishing all buildings over 1m tall

30 January, 2019

30 January, 2019

Adelaide City Councillor and development containment officer Anne Moran will put to council a bold plan to demolish all permanent...

Local livestreamed gigs to be replaced with livestreamed pokie rooms

8 April, 2020

8 April, 2020

With the coronavirus shutting down the city’s remaining live music venues, bands have begun turning to the internet to live...

UniSA mature-aged student puts hand up again

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

eaking: 12 students from UniSA’s Magill campus are believed to have spent the last seven hours locked in a tutorial room after their course’s resident mature-aged student began raising her hand to quiz her tutor on a raft of trivial questions.

90% of new Mortal Kombat movie just CCTV footage from Hindley Street

16 May, 2019

16 May, 2019

Adelaide is set to become a key piece of cinematic history, with the long-awaited follow-up to 1995’s Mortal Kombat to...

Haggle guy reckons he could still get a Caffe Primo meal for $9.90

5 July, 2019

5 July, 2019

Despite not having a $9.90 menu or the iconic South Australian television commercial for several years, there is one person...

Frequent Marion shopper develops sophisticated algorithm to avoid charity workers

28 May, 2018

28 May, 2018

Rosaline Baker, 56, of Warradale enjoys nothing more than a good shopping spree at nearby Westfield Marion. It’s local, convenient...

Stobie pole “probably a Banksy” says Croydon mum

8 November, 2018

8 November, 2018

Fiona Foarzenshore fancies her home suburb of Croydon as something of a cultural hub in Adelaide’s inner west, and has...

Finally gaining a naming sponsor, the ‘Posture Care Chair Company 500’ will hit Adelaide streets March 2019

16 July, 2018

16 July, 2018

After a year of uncertainty, it has been announced that Adelaide’s biggest motorsport festival has given naming rights to the...

Local “Teddy Bear Hunt” replaced with far easier “Mastrangelo Real Estate Sign Hunt”

20 April, 2020

20 April, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Parents around Adelaide’s suburbs (looking for ways to distract their kids from the tedium of life that only...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: