5 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

AFP raids Adelaide Mail offices only to find Xavier Minniecon

One year after publishing a damning exposé on the existence of the fictional suburb Kingswood, Australian Federal Police officers have staged a dramatic raid on the Adelaide Mail offices.

The story, undertaken by the Adelaide Mail investigative team, revealed that the ongoing myth of the suburb’s existence had been peddled by all levels of government since the early 20th century.

However upon entering Adelaide Mail’s office, AFP officers were surprised to find nothing but a shirtless Xavier Minniecon leisurely reclining on a beanbag.

He told us all about Keith Martyn and his almanac

Although initially confused, the officers relished to opportunities that come with tracking down one of Adelaide’s most mysterious A-list celebrities.


The former Channel Nine weather presenter regaled the gathered throng of federal police (who absolutely have nothing better to do with their time and resources than a politically-motivated raid on a respected media organisation such as this one) with whimsical anecdotes from his heyday at NWS-9.

‘He told us all about Keith Martyn and his almanac’, recounts one AFP officer whose name we’ve withheld.

‘The almanac would always have information on the best time to plant all different fruit and veggies in South Australia. Well, apparently Keith hated brussels sprouts so much that he would tell people to plant brussels sprouts in the middle of summer. That’s why you don’t see brussels sprouts in people’s gardens any more’.

When quizzed about why he no longer works on television, Minniecon pointed to a picture of Channel Seven’s Tim Noonan that he has set as his phone’s wallpaper. ‘This idiot stole my schtick. Adelaide’s only big enough for one zany weather presenter, apparently’.

Editor’s note: Adelaide Mail still has no idea what Mr Minniecon was doing in our office, but we haven’t got the heart to tell him to leave.

Related Posts

Big Red Car mag wheels stolen at Elizabeth City Centre

31 October, 2018

31 October, 2018

Disappointed children and slightly relieved parents have arrived at Elizabeth Shopping Centre to find the multi-coloured mag wheels stolen from...

State Government to reduce suburban Adelaide to one bus route

20 January, 2019

20 January, 2019

In a bid to increase efficiency across Adelaide’s struggling suburban bus network, the State Government has moved to remove all...

Penfolds to release limited edition cask Grange

20 December, 2019

20 December, 2019

In an effort to appeal to a wider and less affluent market, Penfolds have taken a new and innovative direction for their...

Terrified Glynde residents flee after active volcano discovered in area

15 May, 2020

15 May, 2020

TRENT BARTLETT Residents of the inner north-eastern suburb of Glynde are reportedly fleeing the area in droves after an active...

Save big with your SAFM 107 Card at these places today!

27 March, 2019

27 March, 2019

Here at Adelaide Mail, we’ve got some pretty powerful friends in high places, which means our proverbial fingers are on...

More like “Slowa Pasta” says local comedic genius

9 August, 2019

9 August, 2019

As a group of friends decided to treat themselves 1998’s best dining experience, little did they know what was in...

Researchers find anyone who went to Mansions pre-2012 is immune to COVID-19 and most other things too

7 April, 2020

7 April, 2020

Fastracked South Australian TAFE short course health research graduates have made an initial discovery in what could be the first...

People somehow shocked when Liberal govt starts privatising everything

17 May, 2019

17 May, 2019

With the state government looking for novel and opportunistic ways to deliver on pre-election fiscal promises, several key pieces of...

Sight of OTR toilet instantly cures man’s violent diarrhoea

7 December, 2018

7 December, 2018

After a week in Bali and a big ‘welcome home’ night with the boys, city construction labourer, Trey Dee, was...

Stobie pole “probably a Banksy” says Croydon mum

8 November, 2018

8 November, 2018

Fiona Foarzenshore fancies her home suburb of Croydon as something of a cultural hub in Adelaide’s inner west, and has...

Dad asks if you know what Myponga smells like

7 February, 2020

7 February, 2020

A Woodville South family once again became the butt of dad’s joke yesterday evening. An hour after the family’s Mexican...

Campbelltown man installs sprinklers to water concrete while he’s on holiday

12 July, 2018

12 July, 2018

A Campbelltown man has installed a state-of-the-art, new sprinkler system to continue a strict routine of concrete watering over his...

We rank Adelaide’s top (and only) 3 working digital Adelaide Metro signs

18 November, 2019

18 November, 2019

What was meant to be Adelaide Mail’s first barely readable, every item on a different page, advertisement clogged ‘Top 10 List’, has...

State Liberals sign sponsorship deal with Dulux in attempt to whitewash their reputation

17 February, 2020

17 February, 2020

With their reputation already facing questions thanks to former Liberal MP Sam ‘Wandering Hands’ Duluk, the South Australian Liberal Party...

Rip It Up relaunches with Pokies reviews and noise complaint liftout

13 June, 2019

13 June, 2019

Heritage Adelaide street press Rip It Up magazine is set for a relaunch with a new focus on reflecting the...

Comments

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: