5 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Election announced: Someone in Mt Barker orders 1,000 novelty cheques

Following the announcement from acting Prime Minister Scott Morrison that Australians will go to the polls on May 18th, somebody with a postal address in Mt Barker has placed a mysterious order for one thousand giant, novelty cheques.

Although we have not been able to verify who placed the order, Corflute Handstand, operations officer at Crazy Glen’s Discount Giant Novelty Cheque Warehouse, offers some hints as to where exactly the cheques might be off to.

There was one cheque in there made out to the Adelaide Crows 1998 premiership

‘Usually we ship our chequebooks blank’, says Handstand. ‘Our customers are mostly just radio stations running another bloody secret sound competition, I mean come on, surely they can come up with a new idea by now? Anyway, they like to be able to fill out their cheques as they need them. But this person asked us to fill out all the cheques for us’.

‘So there were a bunch of cheques made out to bowls clubs. A few going to some private schools around the Adelaide Hills, one seemed to be for the duplication of the Southern Expressway which is weird, maybe they plan on duplicating it again, I’m not sure’.

‘And then there were quite a few cheques which seem to be simply taking credit for things that don’t require funding’, continues Handstand. ‘There was one cheque in there made out to the Adelaide Crows 1998 premiership, not to the club, just to the idea of them winning the premiership’.

‘Anyway, we don’t care what the cheques are used for as long as the cheques keep rolling in. And I mean that literally, by the way. We only accept payment in giant, novelty cheques. It keeps demand for our product high, because if you want to buy some cheques from us, you have to order another cheque to pay for it, most people forget and end up having to place another order for one more cheque just to pay for their previous order’.

‘Of course, they then need another cheque to pay for their most recent order, so they have to place another order for one more cheque to pay for the order of the cheque they used to pay for the original order. It’s good business, I assume they’re legal tender, not sure, will have to get someone to look into that’.

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