13 July, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Girl lasts until 2nd winery pretending to care about tasting wine

Brooke Dogtram likes to think that wine tours are about more than just getting day-drunk for a nominal fee of a bus ride and one-eighth of a birthday present. That’s why she resolved that she would approach Lisa’s McLaren Vale 30th this weekend as an appreciator of fine wines.

With four winery destinations and no time for lunch, the resolution was always going to be quite the challenge for the 32-year-old doorbell tester.

I tried to maintain my enthusiasm, but like, it all tastes the same, doesn’t it?

The first stop, Black Axolotl Wines, was reassuring. Dogtram engaged with the cellar door hand across a variety of topics. Feigning interest in everything from the effect of nearby gum trees on “the shiraz’s nose” to the witchcraft-like rituals practised by the biodynamic winery.

Blue Sheep Wines, the second stop, was more of a challenge.

‘I tried to maintain my enthusiasm, but like, it all tastes the same, doesn’t it?’, Dogtram told the Adelaide Mail while urinating on the side of the road at the end of the day’s wine tour.

‘You know they want us to care about tannins, they should just be happy that we’re there giving them business’. When pressed about whether any member of the party bought any wine over the course of the day, Dogtram told us ‘no, but it’s all good advertising for them’.

‘We didn’t have time to listen to them bore us with their wine talk. We just want to neck a few glasses, have our photos taken in front of the vineyard, be slightly too loud for the people in the restaurant, swear in front of some children and have our photos taken in front of the vineyard. If what we’re doing is a crime, then fine us!’

Dogtram chose to expiate her $80 fine for urinating in a public place.

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