28 September, 2020 South Australia's other fake news source

Salesman optimistic about selling in-ground pool to family holding Bertie Beetle showbags

When it comes to closing the deal, Christian Levolsi backs himself like few other salesmen, so when he was faced with the prospect of selling swimming pools to disinterested punters at The Royal Adelaide Show he was unperturbed by the so-called challenge.

‘You know, some people ask me how I got to be so bloody good at selling’, Christian pontificates to an Adelaide Mail journalist at least 30 metres away. At this point it’s unclear whether Levolsi is talking to us or simply announcing feelings about himself to anybody listening in the Jubilee Pavillion.

See this guy here, the one with Bertie Beetle showbags, he’s a schmuck, he’s a putz. There’s no way he’s walking away from here without putting his name down to buy a new pool today

‘…it’s because I can always tell when somebody is interested, even if they don’t know it yet’. As Levolsi talks at us — checking every so often that we’ve quoted him correctly — he’s posing for uninvited selfies and wrapping up a sales pitch to a family of would-be swimming pool customers.

‘See this guy here, the one with Bertie Beetle showbags, he’s a schmuck, he’s a putz. There’s no way he’s walking away from here without putting his name down to buy a new pool today. No way’.

The family in question is standing within earshot and take Christian’s insult as their opportunity to escape.

When asked whether or not there was ever a chance of buying a swimming pool the father of the family, Dennis Knee-Babcock responds ‘absolutely not, we can’t afford a pool, we’re renting. We really just needed to kill 15 minutes until the pig racing’.

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